Jessica Alba can’t cook to save her life and nearly caused a towering inferno in her hotel room when she tried to bake fish sticks. The ensuing smoke and fire alarms saw the hotel evacuated. She made up for it by fondling
Kate Hudson at some movie premier later that same night.
An autopsy on designer
Alexander McQueen has revealed he ingested cocaine, sleeping pills and tranquilizers before hanging himself. Which is all kinds of grim.
Being an intern just got a whole lot shittier. Companies like Vogue and Versace have gone from offering unpaid internships to auctioning them off to the highest bidder. If you want to see the horror of
Donatella Versace’s face up close for a semester at the New York office, it will cost you $20,000. Speaking of interns,
here’s how not to apply.
Paris Hilton is a self-made millionaire. In her mind at least. “I earned all this, you know? I see some of my friends I grew up with from rich families. Their parents spoiled them.” Perhaps she was suffering from temporary amnesia and forgot that her family owns the Hilton hotel chain?
Jessica Simpson really does inhabit some weird alt reality that the rest of us can only imagine. Talking to some US tabloids this week, Jess revealed that she’s addicted to nicotine gum. The punchline? She’s never actually smoked. "I was chewing it and it was like a party in my mouth. It was like fireworks and 'Oh my God, I'm talking a million miles per hour and I love this gum and what kind of gum is this? I have to have this gum!'"
Sandra Bullock has a baby! Turns out she’s spent the last three years jumping through adoption hoops and has finally been handed the keys to three year old
Louis Bardo Bullock. Also, she’s launched divorce proceedings against what’s his name. And blah, blah, blah... God, we’re so sick of this story. Promise to never mention Sandra Bullock ever again.
Justin Bieber was in the country this week. Things didn’t go so well with the rioting, and the cancelled shows and his mother getting knocked to the ground by crazed fans. Also, someone stole his hat. Anyway, In the interest of social anthropology we feel it’s important to embed this video. Which, incidentally, has been viewed 105 million times.
David Letterman has started a record label, C.E. Music. No, we don’t know why. He’s signed some pop punk act called Runner Runner.
Paul Shaffer’s calls are going unanswered.
Former
Poison frontman
Bret Michaels (him with the suspect hair and bandanna) is bleeding from the brain. Literally. He’s suffered a brain haemorrhage and is in intensive care. Let’s hope he gets better so we can poke fun at
Rock of Love some more.
Welcome to this week’s installment of '
Michael Lohan is the worst dad ever'. What’s he been up? Just sending out Tweets saying
Lindsay Lohan is HIV positive. He’s since said his account was “hacked.” Which is the online equivalent of “my dog ate it.”
Speaking of Twitter and the Lohan family,
Lindsay says she’s "done with the club scene" after a "glimpse of reality". We assume she’s referring to the ‘incident’ earlier this week where she was kicked out of an LA club after hurtling a glass at the resident DJ, one
Samantha Ronson.
Courtney Love is claiming she had a fling with
Gavin ‘crimes against music’ Rossdale after he married
Gwen Stefani. “Everyone gave me so much shit because Gavin sounded a lot like Kurt ... But man, he was such an Adonis in his day! Maybe Gwen taught him.” The news has been met with shrugs of indifference all round.
Jenna Jameson and caged match fighter
Tito Oritz have domestic dramas. Long story short, cops were called to their house after Oritz allegedly assaulted Jameson. She claims that he went crazy after she said “something very hurtful to his ego". He’s saying “nah-ah” and that Jameson is a drug addict freak show.
Street cleaners have no appreciation for art. A red faced
Melbourne city council discovered this the hard way when a standard clean-up of (internationally renowned) Hosier Lane resulted in a
Banksy stencil getting buffed. It was worth an estimated $400,000. Meanwhile, here’s that preview of that Banksy documentary thing.
MIA is crazy racists against gingers. Or she’s trying to make some sort of statement. Either way, she has a new song out,
Born Free, and an album dropping in June.
Apple’s storm troopers (and some local cops) have raided the house of Gizmodo editor
Jason Chen. If you’re out of the tech loop, Gizmodo is the website that bought that lost iPhone prototype (for $5000) and splashed it all over the net.
Steve Jobs is clearly not impressed.
Read the full story here.
Turns out boobs really do cause earthquakes. After an Iranian cleric claimed that scantily clad women were the cause of earthquakes, women around the world set up a nationally day of action to ‘get them out’ and prove the cleric wrong. What happened? A 6.9 earthquake hit Taiwan. Um, awkward.
"You motherfucker. I will kill you with my bare hands." That would be
Russell Crowe at 3am on the phone to one of the producers of
Gladiator. More stories about Rusty and his ‘temperamental’ disposition pop up in a new book about DreamWorks film studio,
The Men Who Would Be King.
Stephan Hawking has offered his opinion on aliens. Basically, he thinks we should keep out head down and avoid trying to make contact because an advanced alien race would just screw us over with their shiny alien beads, enslave us, and make up some derogatory name for the human race. Sounds awfully familiar...
Charlie Sheen’s wife has left the marital home. His hooker friend has now moved in. Nice.
We have our suspicions about the sexual orientation of US ice skater
Johnny Weir. Speaking about his forthcoming single, he described it as "A little bit
Lady Gaga mixed with the
Scissor Sisters mixed with
Sam Sparro." Why he’s releasing a single, we don’t know.
Heidi Montag is maybe/possibly addicted to painkillers after having her entire face and body reconstructed by plastic surgery. Surprising much?
Okay, let’s wrap things up with some lulz.