Breaking news: an arrest warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan. Seems a US judge didn’t appreciate LiLo ditching her court ordered rehab stints to go party in Cannes. Bail has been set at $100 thousand.
Megan Fox will not be returning for the third Transformers movie. According to US trade papers, "Paramount won't be picking up Megan Fox's option on Transformers 3,” and it was “ultimately director Michael Bay's decision." This probably has something to do with Fox likening the director to Hitler. Given Transformers 2 is one of the WORST MOVIES EVER, she just dodged a bullet.
Miranda Kerr has gotten naked for GQ magazine. Again. Because that’s what she does.
Russel Crowe may want to curb his red meat intake. The actor stormed out of an interview with the BBC after it was suggested there was a hint of Irish accent in his Robin Hood. “You’ve got dead ears, mate, seriously dead ears if you think there’s an Irish accent,” Rusty offered before going home and punching a puppy.
The new Miss USA has been crowned – Rima Fakih. Did we mention she’s an Arab-American? Well she is. She’s also a total babe. And the pics of her stripping in an amateur pole dancing contest show she’s down with our decadent and depraved Western culture. Heart you, new Miss America.
Napoleon Dynamite is becoming an animated series. And they’ve got all the original cast (including Jon Heder) back to do the voices. We’ll avoid making a funny about Heder’s career trajectory and instead take this opportunity to play a clip from the movie:
You can file this one under fashion industry fail: an employee at a Marc Jacobs shop in New York opened mail from California and discovered a baggy of white powder inside. Did she snort it? No. She called the police about the ‘anthrax’ someone had sent. Goddamned amateurs.
American Apparel announced a $17.6 million operating loss for the first quarter of 2010. Evidently, those sexual harassment lawsuits are getting expensive.
Perez Hilton’s ship has finally arrived. Word is some media company has put together a $20 million bid for the site.
By his own admission Spencer Pratt is keeping Heidi Montag hostage and forcing her to write bad poetry. "I don't let her go on TV, no computers. The only thing Heidi does is read and write poetry and pray and pet puppies." No shit, he actually said that. With a straight face. Meanwhile, we’d love to read Heidi’s tortured poetry.
Miley Cyrus will give you brain damage. Official. The jewellery baring her name has been found to contain high levels of Cadmium. Exposure can lead to “bone softening, kidney failure” and hinder brain development. [Insert predictable joke about Miley Cyrus concerts having the same affect].
Ernie Dingo (married, two children) has been sending naked photos of himself to a massage therapist. We’re sure there’s a perfectly innocent explanation.
Like '90s hip hop? This vintage clip from the Arsenio Hall show is ridiculous. A Tribe Called Quest, Wu Tang Clan, Gang Starr, Naughty By Nature, CL Smooth, KRS One, Das Efx and a million other rappers drop a verse. Shouts to video calibration:
If you believe Courtney Love, and that’s a shaky bridge at the best of times, she once had an affair with Kate Moss.
Nicholas Cage only eats animals that are "very dignified in sex". That would exclude cats then.
J.Lo hasn’t had a hit in years, but that doesn’t mean she comes cheap. When asked to perform at the Monaco World Music Awards the singer said sure, as long as organisers forked out for a helicopter 'on stand-by', a custom-fitted speed boat (complete with champagne fridge), 12 staff and a hotel floor all to her self. Pathetic – Mariah would have asked for THREE helicopters and a litter of new born kittens.
Jason Akermanis: "showering with gay dudes is fine. As long as I don’t know they’re gay". Um.
Lindsay Lohan (apparently) has a new ladyfriend: 36-year-old Indrani. The fashion photographer decided to tell the New York Post all about their sexy fun times together. "I have never had a relationship with a woman before, but Lindsay is just somebody who I find fascinating, gorgeous and extremely smart, as well as super-hot.” LiLo ha a slightly different take on the relationship. “No, no, no... In NO way am I dating her.” It’s just like The Rules of Attraction, but with lesbians.
Christina Aguilera's war with Lady Gaga continues. "Oh, the newcomer? ...She's really fun to look at."
Rihanna didn’t do anything this week, we just wanted to run the pic of her straddling the tank cannon while wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Plz to carry on.
Adidas have a new video out promoting, well, Adidas. It features lots of cameos and a nice song:
Sarah Jessica Parker has said "You don't want to see me topless.” Damn straight.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller are getting married. Or something. Don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.
So London has unveiled their mascots for the 2012 Olympic Games. They’re... interesting. Want to know how Wenlock and Mandeville came about? Read this.
Rachel Uchitel (Tiger’s H.B.I.C) has signed a deal with Playboy to get naked. Because why not? Also, her and Joslyn James (another one of Tiger’s ladyfriends) are arguing about which one is more whorish.
Angel (AKA David Boreanaz) can’t keep it in his pants. While his current infidelity tally is still amateur hour (a former porn star, Tiger Woods' mistress Rachel Uchitel, and a random), it’s still early days.
Former Black Sabbath dude Ronnie James Dio has died of cancer. He was 67-years-old. A proper news item, this.
According to the Facebook movie that’s currently in production, founder Mark Zuckerberg is a sex maniac. A "ruthless and untrustworthy” one at that. So now you know.
Let’s end this week on a (ridiculously) cute note. With baby sloths!