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The week in trashbaggery volume nineteen

29 JAN 2010 | Posted By: -Mikolai-

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The week in trashbaggery volume nineteen

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Mel Gibson loves the Jews again and is attempting a career resurrection (sorry, couldn’t resist). He’s set to star in Cold Warrior, his first studio backed movie since he got 'drunk' and 'goofy'.

George Lucas is taking time out from ruining the Star Wars franchise to write a musical about fairies.

Brittany Murphy’s deadbeat husband (Simon Monjack, anyone?) is planning on suing Warner Bros. for the actresses death. He says that the studio axing her role in Happy Feet 2 caused her to have a heart attack. Good luck with that.

Val Kilmer has really let himself go. He’s also been hanging out at the New Mexico House of Representatives for no particular reason. Maybe he’s crazy? Check out the photo gallery – Batman has certainly seen better days.

Tabloids went into meltdown this week with the news that Brangelina were splitting up so that he could drink beer and she could adopt third world children. Although the flames have been doused by denials from publicist, we’re not buying it. If the pair are a still together in 12 months time I’ll (me, writing this) do something weird and uncomfortable. Feel free to add suggestions in the comments.

On that note, Angelina is such a big deal she doesn’t even have an official publicist. The only way to get in contact with her is to know someone who has her number. And that’s a handful of people.

If you only watch one embedded video this year, make it this one. Basically, some homeless / drunk / insane martial arts dudes are auditioning for a movie role. And they’re not very good. Lulz.

Anna Wintour and her French Vogue counterpart, Carine Roitfeld, met with some guy from the French government to talk about hard it was to "be in fashion" these days and how they needed more money. Or a tax break. Or something. Frankly, it’s not much of a news piece, but we wanted an excuse to run the photo.

Steve Jobs unveiled the new Apple tablet thing this week, the iPad. You can read more about it here – or anywhere else on the internet. We wish we’d bought shares in Apple about five years ago.

Elin Nordegren is going to stand by her man. Word is she’s taking Tiger Woods back when he gets out of 'sex rehab'. She’ll also be helping with that sex addiction, telling friends they’ll be living together as "friends instead of lovers".

Bill Gates – ballin’ out of control. Seems the Microsoft founder had several shandies at a Sundance party and proceeded to dance on a table. "It was a sight to behold: the richest man in the world attempting to clap in time and failing miserably while lurching awkwardly in seizure-like contortions." Sounds like the Elaine Benes dance from Seinfeld.

If you only watch two embedded videos this year you really should check out this vintage footage from Perfect Match circa 1985. We can’t even begin to describe the levels of 'deadshit' present in the contestants.

Donatella Versace took off her bikini top in public this week. We’ve seen the pictures and it’s like something out of an Aphex Twin video.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Miranda Kerr is in some new photo shoot for GQ magazine. There’s probably some news story to go with this, some 'project' she’s involved with or something. Not sure. What exactly do models (dating Orlando Bloom) do in their free time?

The Coachella line-up was announced this week and some people (who still get excited about stuff) got excited.  Personally, we prefer the Hipster Runnoff nominated line-up:  Marky Mark, Spin Doctors, Fine Young Cannibals, Tevin Campbell, Kid & Play, Paul Abdul and MC Scat Cat. Incredible. Or, if you want to be boring, the real line-up is here.

Things went "a bit funny" with Dizzee Rascal earlier this week. A female reporter was asking him some questions backstage at Big Day Out and apparently he didn’t like them much because he called her a bad word and the interview was terminated. No big deal, right? But then Dizzee insisted that the reporter wipe the video tape before he would talk to any of the other media waiting outside his trailer. And then that became the story. Oops.

The New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts are in Superbowl 2010 (AKA XLIV). It’s screening locally on Monday February 8th and we’ll be calling in sick so we can eat hotdogs for breakfast and drink shitty beer while 'getting into the spirit'.

Johnny Depp was killed by Twitter earlier this week. He joins Tom Hanks, Jeffrey Goldblum and Miley Cyrus in the accidentally deaded stakes.

Avatar? Whatever, man. We’re hanging out to see Machette. The fake movie trailer from Grindhouse proved so popular Robert Rodriguez has gone and made it into an actual movie. In secret. We couldn’t be more into this if we were a coked-up publicist at the launch party.

Diddy's kid got a $360 thousand Maybach "complete with driver" for his 16th birthday. Bastard.

The results of Triple J’s Hottest 100 are (officially) in. As you should already know, some hippie band from the UK won. We’ll refrain from making further comment about the results 'cause it just gives us brain bubbles.

Being Diana Ross isn’t all glitz and glamour. The soul legend was at her daughter’s music recital this week when some nut in the audience started singing 'Ain’t No Mountain High Enough' and tried to make the soul legend join in. Crazy person was subsequently escorted outside and shot.

Deeply disturbing video of the week – Cat Massages Lady gives her cat a massage. "Double your pleasure." Indeed.

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Comments on this Post
There are "11" comment(s) on "The week in trashbaggery volume nineteen"

Respect Katie
The cat massage lady is cray-cray. I love her. Meanwhile, Bron is "a medical student who wants to win an Olympic medal for holding her breath"? A billion times LOL.
Katie  -  2 years ago
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Respect -Mikolai-
I love the dudes auditioning for the martial arts movie, especially fat guy at the end. Meanwhile, contestant #3 looks like a caricature.
-Mikolai-  -  2 years ago
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Respect freeak
We couldn’t be more into this if we were a coked-up publicist at the launch party. Magnificent metaphors Mikolai.
freeak  -  2 years ago
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Advanced Member GoldPox
"Bron and Don, you're off to Coffs Harbour!" Delightful.
GoldPox  -  2 years ago
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Respect Jamie
This is by far your greatest works Mikolai. Firstly, had tears in my eyes from the audition video. AMAZING. Secondly, how shit was 'Perfect match'? can not believe that it was popular. Thirdly HELL YEAH about Machete. Bravo.
Jamie  -  2 years ago
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Respect -Mikolai-
Thanks Jamie. I know what you mean about Perfect Match - how impossibly 'strayan is everyone on that show.
-Mikolai-  -  2 years ago
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Respect fujiko-san
This week's trashbaggery lives up to the hype! Yeah! On another note: Anton Krysnyk, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!
fujiko-san  -  2 years ago
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New Lounger 0BF935D7
Like that cat massage. :) And why schould a 16 year old boy get a $360k Maybach??
0BF935D7  -  2 years ago
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Respect Ryzz
re: doing something weird and uncomfortable - how about kissing your own ass? and that fake coachella line-up has been floating around the internet for a good 2-3 years now... shame on this "carles" fellow for taking credit.
Ryzz  -  2 years ago
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Member boohooahhh
"im as cool as a naked eskimo" pure genius, utter whiz kid... hahahah
boohooahhh  -  2 years ago
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Respect Katie
PS. Tiger Woods in sex rehab. BAH!
Katie  -  2 years ago
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