What’s
Paris Hilton been up to this week? Excellent question. She dressed up as Marilyn Monroe and pretended to be a lesbian with some Playboy model at some party.
Taylor Momsen (from Gossip Girl) is so incredibly alt. "I don't know who Justin Bieber is. I only know his name because it keeps being brought up to me. I listen to Led Zeppelin and The Beatles, so I have no idea who he is."
Robbie Williams has married actress Ayda Field. We kinda like Robbie so we’re gonna be nice, wish them well, and keep things moving.
4Chan founder
Chris Poole was called before a Federal Court to give evidence against the ‘Sarah Palin Email hacker’. He had to explain terms like ‘newfag’, ‘b-tard’ and ‘rick rolling’ to a group of uptight prosecutors.
Read the Lulz here.
Another week, another video from out favourite
Taiwanese animation studio. This one’s all about
Jersey Shore and just as batshit crazy as ever.
Meanwhile, Snooki says she’s "too pretty to be in jail." The Jersey Shore star was arrested last week for being ‘shitfaced’ in the middle of the day.
So we assume you’ve all
read the story of the
US flight attendant who decided he’d had enough, told the plane’s occupants to go fuck themselves (via intercom), grabbed a couple of beers, activated the emergency exit slid and went home to sex his boyfriend? Yeah, we’re all across this one?
Hayden Christensen and
Rachel Bilson have called off their engagement - "It just wasn't working out." When did these two get engaged? Why did we (I) not know about his already? What’s going? Who’s in charge here? *mutter, mutter, mumble, mumble*
Mel Gibson’s dad has been on some radio program ranting and raving about Pope Benedict being a "homosexual" and half the Vatican being "queer." They must have wonderful family gatherings.
Some awful band we don’t know was playing the Lollapalooza festival this week and no one really cared... Then
Lady Gaga showed up on stage and dived into the crowd half naked. Here’s the video.
According to a study by dating website OkCupid,
iPhone users have more
sex than Blackberry users, who in turn have more sex than Android owners. Or as they put it, "it’s statistical proof that iPhone users aren't just getting fucked by Apple."
Lindsay Lohan's long-suffering assistant, Elinore, is "miserable," "super-stressed," and "incredibly worn out". With LiLo off to rehab she has to deal with mum Dina and younger daughter Ali Lohan’s bullshit.
Some
foolish fool is attempting to sell the Heidiandspencer.com URL for a lazy $21 million. On Ebay. He claims it’s the "Greatest Domain Ever."
On that note,
Spencer Pratt dropped $7,000 at an LA strip club ‘scouting’ for actresses to appear in his upcoming movie -
Tower 69: Beach Patrol Featuring 3D Boobs. Yeah, it’s really called that.
Note to crazy people: Please do not
eat your cats. Marinating them in “a mixture of oil, crushed red peppers, chili pepper and salt” does not make it okay. We’ll let News 4 take up the story.
Cruella De Vil (or random old lady) stopped at a pet shelter in Canada this week and dropped off
43 Chihuahuas. As you do. At least she wasn’t trying to marinate them...
Kanye West jumped onstage to join John Forte, grabbed a microphone and quipped, “I’mma let you finish.” Laughter all round. Meanwhile, his Twitter is gathering momentum thanks to comments like this: “when people are in jeans ... I got leather pants... shirt optional... chain heavy.”
They do things differently in
Soviet Russia. Dealing with all kinds of EPIC fires around the capital, Prime Minister
Vladimir Putin extinguished several bushfires with his bare hands before making love to various beautiful women and making 400 babies. Unconfirmed reports suggest he was drinking Powerthirst at the time. And not wearing a shirt.
Some lunatic is stalking
Williamsburg injecting Super Glue into fixie bike locks. He’s been muttering about “the yuppies” and the city officials who "allow them into the neighbourhood." Look out Fitzroy.
Ke$ha’s new boyf is some Australian dude named Alex Carapetis. Apparently he once toured with Nine Inch Nails or something.
Portia de Rossi is petitioning to change her name to Portia DeGeneres – you know, because they’re married.
File this under guilty / shameful pleasures –
Katy Perry + Snoop +
California Gurls. You can mute the sound, and it’s probably best if you do.
The 2011 Summadayze line-up has been announced with
David Guetta, Armin Van Buuren, Justice (DJ Set) and
N*E*R*D headlining. You can view the full list
here (if the thought of attending music festivals doesn’t fill you with fear and loathing).
65-year-old
Rod Stewart has knocked up another blonde - the wonderfully named Penny Lancaster. It’s Rod’s eighth kid. He’s a machine.
On that note,
Alanis Morissette is pregnant to her rapper boyfriend.
And finally ...
Talking cats. Bless