Jess Origliasso (aka the hetero Veronica) is dating
Billy Corgan. Tabloids are reporting it so it must be true.
The Situation
is fist-pumping his way to the bank. With numerous endorsements, a record deal and a newly secured slot on Dancing with the Stars (and Jersey Shore), he’s on track to clear $5 million this year. [Ed's note: that buys a lot of GTL.]
Homebake 2010 has been cancelled because Australian bands all suck. Event organisers hope to find some bands that don’t suck in time for 2011.
George Michael has pleaded guilty to crashing his car while under the influence of ‘huge quantities’ of drugs. We’re shocked and dismayed.
Russian
President Prime Minister
Vladimir Putin has harpooned a whale in the Baltic Sea. For lulz. His next party trick will see him going back in time and wrestling a Tyrannosaurs Rex (via changing world history and restoring the USSR to its former glory).
Still wondering what the hell happened with last weekend’s election? Let
Pokémon explain it to you:
Timbaland had a $2 million dollar watch stolen from his home. Then it wasn’t stolen. Then he committed suicide, but not really. None of the news reports coming out of the US make any sense. Something maybe happened. And it involved Timbaland. Um, yeah.
Tiger Wood’s ex-wife,
Elin Nordegren, told People magazine she’s “been through hell". Half a billion dollars might help make up for it.
Pro-tip: If you’re thinking of setting up a social network and making some sweet, sweet cash, don’t use the ‘book’ suffix.
Mark Zuckerberg will drive to your house and skull-fuck you. Or just get some lawyers on the case. Either/or.
Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab and prowling the streets.
Atlanta Police have
placed a job ad asking for ‘ebonics experts’ to translate their wiretaps. Turns out the white guys down at the station have absolutely no idea what the local
Avon Barksdale is talking about and why he keeps referring to ‘Al Green’ and ‘Snow white on Ice’. It’s all very confusing.
Jimena Navarrete is the new
Miss Universe. She’s 22, from Mexico, and enjoys poetry and dancing. Or whatevs. Unintentionally hilarious promo video below:
A man with two knives tried to break into
Paris Hilton’s place this week. She live tweeted it.
Then called the cops. Then went out on the balcony in just a towel for the benefit of the news helicopter hovering above. She’s a true professional.
Jay-Z is touring Australia again (yay!). But he’s playing support for
U2 (boo!). We’re assuming there are gonna be some of sideshows, plz. The U2 concerts are in December.
Google are just randomly throwing widgets and obscure services out there these days. The latest? A thing that allows you to make phone calls directly from your Gmail account. You know, in case reaching for your celly-cell (mobile) is too much hassle.
John Travolta has 102 hairpieces.
Britney Spears is skinny and conventionally attractive again.
A monkey in Indonesia has adopted a cat. Not sure where monkeys adopt cats from exactly, but these two seem to be getting along OK:
Looking for an idea for your next movie? You could do worse than the
Colombian town where a ‘deathlist’ featuring the names of 100 local teens was
published on Facebook. Three of them have since been murdered. For serious.
If you’re going to publish all the CIA’s nasty war secrets on the Internets you should be prepared for some blowback. Like, say, a hastily recanted rape charge.
Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks, was wanted by Swedish police on rape charges earlier in the week. Those charges were quickly dropped - but not before the story went around the world. Coincidently, Wikileaks, are getting ready to publish a fresh batch of classified documents.
Lourdes Leon,
Madonna’s 13-year-old kid, has been getting around wearing a marijuana-themed wristband. Guessing this is her Bob Marley phase.
Miley Cyrus in drugs, sex and lesbianism shock! [is a headline from the near future]. In the meantime, you can watch Miley do all the above in her upcoming film,
LOL. Yes, it’s really called that.
Pitchfork have announced their
top 50 music videos of the '90s. You can read the full list (and watch the videos) over at their websites. If you’ve got more pressing concerns,
Aphex Twin’s 'Come to Daddy' (directed by
Chris Cunningham) came in at #1. The rest of the top five was dominated by
Spike Jonze (via Weezer, Bjork and the
Beastie Boys).
Wyclef Jean is not allowed to be the President of Haiti. Or even run. He’s been omitted from the official candidates list. We’d insert some ‘Gone Til November’ joke here but we can’t think of one. And that doesn’t even make any sense to begin with. Oh well.
The
Heidi Montag /
Spencer Pratt sex tape now has lesbianism for your viewing pleasure. Playboy Playmate
Karissa Shannon joins them for sexy fun times.
This just in:
Burt Newton’s son is an asshole.
If the words '
SouljaBoy', 'coke stash', '
Kat Stacks' and 'secret videotape' mean anything to you then
click on this. Everyone else can live the rest of their life in blissful ignorance.
Naomi Campbell favours a particular Jamaican hot sauce and makes her bodyguard carry it with him at all times. Bet he’s got some stories to tell.
Kate Moss and
Jamie Hince have been spotted wearing what look suspiciously like wedding rings.
Mean faced cat likes cat-snacks/cosplay. Fails at eating: