Fifty columns? I must be the world expert on Paris Hilton
legal dramas, Lindsay Lohan
‘spills mysterious white powder’ stories and Kim Kardashian
ass shots. If you’d like to hire me as some sort of gossip consultant guy please contact Lifelounge. Or leave your details in the comments section. In the meantime, here’s some stuff that happened this week.
(Side note: I’ve gone through all 50 columns and picked out the bestest videos and added them to this week’s column to make it feel special.
Like when you buy a hooker flowers
and Nicki Minaj
got fake married this week. While a series of tweets between the pair announcing their nuptials tuned out to be a joke, the retweets broke the internet for several hours.
is dating a 20-year-old male model / pornstar. Fair enough. What else is an aging fashion designer supposed to do?
makes you live longer. Official. According to a new study
, booze hounds live longer than teetotalers. They’re also more fun to have around.
hosted a music showcase thing this week. Steve Jobs
unveiled a bunch of new gear (which you can read about here
). He also invented social networking. The centrepiece of iTunes10 is Ping – a place where music nerds can get together, ‘friend’ each other and argue about the merits of Coldplay vs Snow Patrol. Or whatever people listen to in the real world.
Everyone loves Bunnies. Winning the lottery is also nice. (Trashbaggery #9)
unchill bulldog has murdered another dog in her apartment complex. Animal Welfare people are investigating / not impressed.
on her role models: “I would look up to those girls... the Britneys and whatever. And I would be like, I want to be like that." Probably explains a lot.
Who can forget this classic meme? Via the Trashbaggery 2009 end of year special.
The Iraq War
is over. Eight years, $1 trillion dollars and a mountain of dead people later, President Obama
has officially wrapped it up. Good thing we found all those weapons of mass destruction and brought Bin Laden to justice and… oh, wait.
Speaking of body-counts, this guide to handguns for the suburban mom should get you on your way. (Trashbaggery #15)
So it’s basically impossible to write this column and not mention Paris Hilton
– especially when she gets busted with cocaine in your wallet while cruising the Vegas strip in a car bellowing weed smoke. Paris (bless her) is claiming the coke isn’t hers. And neither is the purse she was carrying. It’s all just a big misunderstanding, see.
This martial arts video is possibly the greatest thing ever, it comes courtesy of Trashbaggery #19.
is back online with version 2.0. It’s still half broken, looks awful and full of cocks.
wore a studded metal corset to Vancouver airport. All good and well, until she had to go through the metal detector. Security eventually took her aside for a private pat down.
So Raekwon, Kanye West
and Justin Bieber
have released that ridiculous song they’ve been working on. We (I) don’t hate it, but you can make up your own mind.
Prince Michael Jackson
and Paris Jackson
have been allowed to attend a real school. Well, a super exclusive real school that doesn’t mind having 20 million bodyguards hanging about.
The days of free internet are fast coming to a close. YouTube
is said to be in talks over pay-per-view movies.
boyfriend has proposed to her on the cover of some trashy tabloid. That’s how they do it out in Jersey. And for record, she hasn't responded.
Online dating! All the cool kids are doing it. (Trashbaggery #5)
Iran hates kittens
. And puppies
. The country has banned all advertising relating to pet products because, you know, they’re a filthy western invention. Or something.
Get your slow jam on with Mr Spriggs and Trashbaggery #20:
has lost his mind. He also seized control of his own Twitter account
. Put those two together and you end up with this: “Yo today's been a good day so far but the roof of my mouth is sore cause I eat something that was too hot.” Poetic.
can’t catch a break. Some dood has been found dead at their HQ in LA
. It’s obviously Dov Charney’s fault.
We discovered Australian musician Pogo in Trashbaggery #25 .
'I make things explode' Bay
has offered a $50 thousand reward for information leading to the arrest of ‘puppy throwing girl’. The internet bros over at 4chan are already on the case and narrowing down the suspects to some Balkan shithole. If you don’t know what we’re talking about then you probably shouldn’t click on this link
Back in Trashbaggery #4 we were talking about how shitty the new Melrose Place
TV show, that prompted a trip down memory lane and this classic TV moment.
Former British PM Tony Blair
has released his memoirs. All you really need to know is Tony was drunk half the time. Or at the very least he had a good buzz going.
Love you Vince Schlomo
. (Trashbaggery #27)
are communists. Or they’re too rich to care. Either way, they’re giving away a live concert DVD, Radiohead – Live in Praha
. You can download it here
Don’t like someone? If they’re based in Russia
you can make them ‘go away’ for as little as $100. Bargain
Remember this guy and his hypnosis paws? He turned up in Trashbaggery #2.
(47 going on 15) has been taking photos of herself in the bathroom mirror (wearing a bikini) and posting them online.
And finally, we couldn’t mark the 50th trashbaggery without a little R.Kelly
. Real Talk.