was pronounced dead on Twitter this week. His condition was later upgraded to ‘alive and angry’. Charles is still in charge!
and P. Diddy
have been caught 'making out'. Apparently the pair met up at a New York bar, ordered bottles of Ciroc, Grey Goose and Patron (very nice), got hammered and made out. As you do.
Are you planning on one day getting married
? Yeah, you may want to think about that. According to stats from the US, just 51% of adults are married these days (down from 57% in 2000). So there you go, heterosexual marriage is pretty much ‘done’.
Either this is the worst movie ever, or Alec Baldwin
, Tom Cruise
and Catherine Zeta-Jones
are taking the piss. Ladies and gentlemen, Rock of Ages
If you feel like getting fired you can waste some company time perusing this Annotated History of Lindsay Lohan Nudity
And speaking of LiLo
, she used her Playboy feature to tell us about how much she has “learned” over the last five years and how she’s now totes OK and no longer walking around parties with
talcum powder all over her heels. “Looking back, I probably would have listened to and taken more advice from the people whom I admire and would have followed through with it more. My stubbornness at 18- and 19-years-old got in the way.”
is introducing a new suicide prevention feature
. You’ll soon be able to report ‘suicidal’ posts and FB will send the person a message asking them to please not kill themselves and please call this number to ‘talk about it’.
Meanwhile, here’s your feel-good baby seal
story of the week. Best part of the article
: “It escaped and made its way up to the front of the vehicle, accidentally turning on the radio and ending up on the front seat.” Aww.
Also! Baby bats
! Cute! Official.
townhouse from Breakfast at Tiffany’s
is up for sale. Yours for just $5.85 million. Cat not supplied.
Breaking news: Demi More
is not changing her Twitter account (@MrsKutcher). Repeat: not changing. She delivered the news this week in the snarkiest way possible: "Changing my Twitter name isn't a top priority right now. Sorry it bothers so many of u. Should I not Tweet until I do? Does it really matter?"
The gay penguins
have been turned straight and have settled down with nice lady penguins
. We feel conflicted.
Remember '80s charity single 'We Are the World'?
Here’s the 2011 version of that song – complete with random celebrities highlighting the ‘important issues’. Nice to see Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Diddy, Chris Brown
, etc, etc making a difference. If you need us we’ll be out back playing Russian Roulette.
got married in a Vegas drive-through chapel this week. To husband number four. Do you care? No.
has denied having breasts implants after showing a lot of, er, breasts at a recent red carpet type deal. “Thank you for the compliment but these babies are all mine,” she Tweeted, before knocking back a hit of salvia and laughing manically for several minutes.
has signed $3 million deal with Weight Watchers to help her lose her post-baby-fat. Some people who have never met her (but are ‘experts’) are predicting Jess could pile on as much as 32 kilos during her pregnancy. We have no idea what that actually means, seems like ‘a lot’ though.
desperate attempts to remain relevant continue to be desperate. She’s launched a site called putyourbeardinmymouth.tumblr.com
dedicated to her ‘obsession’ with eating dude’s beards. 1. That’s not a euphemism, 2. Eww. She’s also recorded a song about said beards to coincide with all this, 'Put Your Beard In My Mouth'. Again, eww. And, please stop.
Does Kris Humphries
still love Kim Kardashian
? We’re going to take this response as a ‘no’
is engaged to some dude; 22-year-old Thomas Cohen from UK band S.C.U.M. This will be her second marriage.
has released their Best 100 songs of 2011
list. Click through to argue about the results and shake your head angrily.
In case you haven’t already watched it (which we're sure you have), here’s some Shit Girls Say
Also, is Sacha Baron Cohen
still funny? Discuss.
And if you’re still stuck in the office while everyone else is starting their Christmas holidays, here’s a little behind the scenes documentary on Kanye West
going back to Chicago, his childhood home, and that kinda stuff.
is out of jail! Let’s see how long he stays out this time round.
So that’s that. Let’s finishing things up with some cat massaging and George Michael