Lady Gaga is actually a Boa Constrictor. Official! According to a former tour manager the singer was hospitalised six times because of her weird diet. Seems she would binge on junk food, then not eat for "weeks”. Just like a snake!
Britney Spears' bodyguard is going ahead with his sexual harassment lawsuit. He’s claiming she made "repeated unwanted sexual advances toward him" and even flashed her bits. We’re going to throw political correctness to the wind and make a ‘boo-hoo’ joke.
Stuff that White People Like the
online dating edition: Tom Clancy, Van Halen, golfing, Harley Davidson, The Big Lebowski, Ireland, horseback riding and flea markets. Could we be more lame?
James Franco talking to Hollywood Reported: "I do masturbate a lot. I don't know why...” According to the actor, he’s a four to five times a day man.
To help drum up publicity for the release of
Machete (aka the greatest movie ever), a series of short films featuring
Danny Trejo were put together. Here’s one about lowriders. It’s pretty win.
Justin Bieber is in your internets, fondling your fail whale. According to Twitter, Bieber related posts use 3% of their storage capacity at any given point in time.
Speaking of Twitter,
Kanye West used the micro blogging service to post a rambling letter to Taylor Swift. He’s sorry he was mean to her that one time and hopes they can be friends… What we just summarised in one sentence took Kanye a million tweets and several pages of rah, rah RAH!,@hajkefjlkfME KanyezAREH!!111. You can
read the whole insane thing here.
Speaking of Twitter (II: The Encore). If you’re not already doing so you should follow
@50Cent. And then you should follow
@English50Cent (which retweets
Fiddy’s madness via the Queen’s English). Lulz.
Miley Cyrus and Twilight's
Ashley Greene went clubbing together in Paris. Miley dances like a spaz according to witnesses / random drunk people.
Got a gap between your front teeth? Find a modelling agency and give them a call.
Gap teeth are totally ‘in’ at the moment.
Perfume commercials are the new summer blockbusters. In the last month we’ve seen bloated, over the top examples from
Frank Miller and
Martin Scorsese.
Guy Ritchie has taken it up a notch with this (frankly ridiculous) five minute effort.
In this week’s edition of
Obvious Survey Results: 1/3 of British people say they drink to get drunk. We’re guessing the other 2/3 drink to get crunk.
Wondering what Australian troops eat for dinner and how it compares to your cigarette and can of Red Bull? This
handy chart breaks down
army rations from around the world.
Nobody hates
hipsters more than hipsters.
Official.
Paris Hilton is in Hawaii “buying so many lemons” according to an obviously unhinged eyewitness.
Playboy playmate
Karissa Shannon is threatening to sue
Spencer Pratt over that sex tape he’s trying to sell – the one featuring her and
Heidi Montag bumping lady lumps. Translation: she wants her cut of the $5 million he’s shopping it around for.
“
Sean Penn was too high on cocaine to see me in Haiti.”
Wyclef Jean is still sulking over not being allowed to becoming Haitian president / rob the country blind.
Hater-Bot. Probably the best thing on the internet right now. Mildly offensive. But then the best comedy usually is. Oh, and you can skip the 15 second intro.
We’re assuming you’ve seen the video of those horrible slags on UK
X Factor getting into a fight. Yeah? We’re all across this and can get on with our lives?
Morrissey hates Chinese people. Talking about the country’s lack of animal protection laws he referred to Chinese people as a “subspecies”. That comment has gone over about as well as you’d imagine. FYI: he’s refusing to apologise (ie: is insisting on being an old racist).
If (god forbid) anything ever happens to
Rihanna,
Willow Smith can totally jump in and do the job. Not only does she dress like RiRi and (kinda) look like her, Will Smith’s daughter sounds the same on her debut single 'Whip My Hair'. (She's also just been signed to Roc Nation.)
According to ABC News (US), more than a quarter of translators working with US troops in
Afghanistan have absolutely no idea what anyone is saying and just make shit up. That would actually explain a lot.
Google is all different! But essentially the same. We can’t be bothered explaining the changes but you can watch this short promo video if you like.
The XX have won this year’s Mercury Music Prize. Congratulations, nice work, etc. Super relieved it wasn’t Mumford and Sons. H8 that band.
Miranda Kerr has been named one of the Top Ten models of the decade. We’ll take any opportunity to Google search images of her so, yeah, Miranda!
The Good Vibrations 2011 line-up has been
announced / leaked / deciphered by web nerds. It goes a little something like this:
Phoenix, Kelis, Ludacris, Erykah Badu, Friendly Fires, Nas, Janelle Monae + more.
This is how you’re supposed to advertise something.
Cats. Lots and lots of cats.