Dallas star Larry Hagman
died this week. Rest in peace JR Ewing. :(
UGH. Chris Brown
continued being the absolute worst human ever this week. He deleted his Twitter account (again) recently after having a fight with writer and LOL-maker Jenny Johnson
. Here's how it went (via Dlisted
CB: I look old as fuck! I'm only 23...
JJ: I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person.
CB: take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.
JJ: It's "HO" not "HOE" you ignorant fuck.
CB: see.. I don't even have to tell u what u already know. Thanks HO! #bushpig
CB: I should fart while ur giving me top.
JJ: Your mom must be so proud of you.
CB: mom says hello... She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina,
JJ: YOU FLIRT!!! Okay. I'm done. All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me. I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing.
CB: Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????
JJ: Get some help. Seriously.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE COULD HE BE ANY WORSE PROBABLY NOT WHAT A TERRIBLE CREEP WE HATE HIM #SAVERIRI
also flew to Berlin to be with Brown
for Thanksgiving. She Instagrammed/Tweeted a bunch of references to him, called him "lover" and then posted a photo of the deadbeat face-down and topless on a bed. Gross. Here is her excellent SNL performance of 'Stay' a couple of weeks back because we need to find a good note to end on before we barf from thinking about Chris Brown any longer.
was photographed with his hand on the nanny's butt/lower back. BUT DON'T WORRY. We did a bunch of Hard-Hitting Journalistic Investigating™ and found of that the "busty 20-something nanny" is actually his sister and he was just pushing her up a bloody hill. #gwenandgavin4ever
's boyf (Kylie Minogue
's ex) Olivier Martinez
beat the shit out of her baby daddy Gabriel Aubry
on Thanksgiving. When we say he "beat the shit out of him" we mean "homeboy has two swollen black eyes and looks like a corpse".
Here's some good news: Wiz Khalifa
has confirmed that he will totally make Amber Rose
his wifey. Mazel! Make Kanye
the flower boy!
has been deposed in his GF Kim Kardashian
's divorce lawsuit. It might maybe potentially be because he was banging Kim the entire time. Maybe.
A third accuser has come out of the woodwork saying Elmo / Kevin Clash
did sex on him when he was underage. We still don't want to believe it and refuse to make some messed up "Tickle Me Elmo" joke.
Kind of on that tip: did you know what happened to Mia Sara
aka Sloane from Ferris Bueller's Day Off
? She married Jim Henson
If you thought that Mila Kunis
and Ashton Kutcher
didn't spend the week strolling arm in arm around Rome looking smug and in love, you'd be wrong.
stepped in as weather girl on the Today show the other day. World continues spinning.
It seems the internet has taken a week off from giving Christina Aguilera
grief for her recently more curvy/thick figure. Bravo, internet.
That kid – Angus T Jones
– from Two and a Half Men
(who is, evidently, not such a kid no mo') is way smarter than a billion people because he had this to say: "If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth." That's word.
...In the video he is hanging out with Christopher Hudson
who is some kind of religious nut who thinks Jay-Z
have ties to the devil and generally talks nonsense about everything in the world.
The guy voted most likely to be an excellent babysitter for your kids, Charlie Sheen,
responded: "Obviously, not having been there for some time, the Angus T. Jones
that I knew and still love is not the same guy I saw on YouTube yesterday... I dare anyone to spend ten years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre’s hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami." OK Charlie, now say something about tiger blood.
Also in Sheen
news: he apparently gave Lindsay Lohan
$100 thousand to pay off her tax bill. And by "tax bill" we mean "it's probably definitely her tax bill and not some weird sexy debt to a Saudi prince, why don't you give her a break for once?"
also got arrested again last night. She apparently punched a woman in the face at a New York nightclub and was taken away in cuffs. Seems pretty extreme.
Here's another teaser for Extreme Cougar Wives
. HAPPY FRIDAY MATES.
is dating a 26-year-old art dealer. Because of course.
So Chevy Chase
is leaving Community
but he wasn't fired. Old mate has been going on and on about how much he hates the show. Does anybody still watch it?
is pregnant again, just seven months after giving birth to her first baby. Mazel tov!
HUGE NEWS: Selena Gomez
and Justin Bieber
were seen having dinner together and being all in love and holding hands and probably kissing and playing with Justin's hair and all that teen love kind of stuff. If he gives her a promise ring we will die. DIE.
's daughter Bobbi Kristina
broke up with her lover/adopted brother/finace. We feel this could be a great thing. Just do you, baby!