Dallas star
Larry Hagman died this week. Rest in peace JR Ewing. :(
UGH.
Chris Brown continued being the absolute worst human ever this week. He deleted his Twitter account (again) recently after having a fight with writer and LOL-maker
Jenny Johnson. Here's how it went (via
Dlisted):
CB: I look old as fuck! I'm only 23...
JJ: I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person.
CB: take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.
JJ: It's "HO" not "HOE" you ignorant fuck.
CB: see.. I don't even have to tell u what u already know. Thanks HO! #bushpig
JJ:
mtv.com… #SuckIt
CB: I should fart while ur giving me top.
JJ: Your mom must be so proud of you.
CB: mom says hello... She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina,
JJ: YOU FLIRT!!! Okay. I'm done. All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me. I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing.
CB: Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????
JJ: Get some help. Seriously.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE COULD HE BE ANY WORSE PROBABLY NOT WHAT A TERRIBLE CREEP WE HATE HIM
#SAVERIRI
Rihanna also flew to Berlin to be with
Brown for Thanksgiving. She Instagrammed/Tweeted a bunch of references to him, called him "lover" and then posted a photo of the deadbeat face-down and topless on a bed. Gross. Here is her excellent SNL performance of 'Stay' a couple of weeks back because we need to find a good note to end on before we barf from thinking about Chris Brown any longer.
Gavin Rossdale was photographed with his hand on the nanny's butt/lower back. BUT DON'T WORRY. We did a bunch of Hard-Hitting Journalistic Investigating™ and found of that the "busty 20-something nanny" is actually his sister and he was just pushing her up a bloody hill. #gwenandgavin4ever
Halle Berry's boyf (
Kylie Minogue's ex)
Olivier Martinez beat the shit out of her baby daddy
Gabriel Aubry on Thanksgiving. When we say he "beat the shit out of him" we mean "homeboy has two swollen black eyes and looks like a corpse".
Here's some good news:
Wiz Khalifa has confirmed that he will totally make
Amber Rose his wifey. Mazel! Make
Kanye the flower boy!
Mr West has been deposed in his GF
Kim Kardashian's divorce lawsuit. It might maybe potentially be because he was banging Kim the entire time. Maybe.
A third accuser has come out of the woodwork saying
Elmo / Kevin Clash did sex on him when he was underage. We still don't want to believe it and refuse to make some messed up "Tickle Me Elmo" joke.
Kind of on that tip: did you know what happened to
Mia Sara aka Sloane from
Ferris Bueller's Day Off? She married
Jim Henson's son.
If you thought that
Mila Kunis and
Ashton Kutcher didn't spend the week strolling arm in arm around Rome looking smug and in love, you'd be wrong.
Scarlet Johansson stepped in as weather girl on the Today show the other day. World continues spinning.
It seems the internet has taken a week off from giving
Christina Aguilera grief for her recently more curvy/thick figure. Bravo, internet.
That kid –
Angus T Jones – from
Two and a Half Men (who is, evidently, not such a kid no mo') is way smarter than a billion people because he had this to say: "If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth." That's word.
...In the video he is hanging out with
Christopher Hudson who is some kind of religious nut who thinks
Jay-Z and
Obama have ties to the devil and generally talks nonsense about everything in the world.
The guy voted most likely to be an excellent babysitter for your kids,
Charlie Sheen, responded: "Obviously, not having been there for some time, the
Angus T. Jones that I knew and still love is not the same guy I saw on YouTube yesterday... I dare anyone to spend ten years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre’s hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami." OK Charlie, now say something about tiger blood.
Also in
Sheen news: he apparently gave
Lindsay Lohan $100 thousand to pay off her tax bill. And by "tax bill" we mean "it's probably definitely her tax bill and not some weird sexy debt to a Saudi prince, why don't you give her a break for once?"
Lindsay also got arrested again last night. She apparently punched a woman in the face at a New York nightclub and was taken away in cuffs. Seems pretty extreme.
Here's another teaser for
Extreme Cougar Wives. HAPPY FRIDAY MATES.
Demi Moore is dating a 26-year-old art dealer. Because of course.
So
Chevy Chase is leaving
Community but he wasn't fired. Old mate has been going on and on about how much he hates the show. Does anybody still watch it?
Jessica Simpson is pregnant again, just seven months after giving birth to her first baby. Mazel tov!
HUGE NEWS:
Selena Gomez and
Justin Bieber were seen having dinner together and being all in love and holding hands and probably kissing and playing with Justin's hair and all that teen love kind of stuff. If he gives her a promise ring we will die. DIE.
Whitney Houston's daughter
Bobbi Kristina broke up with her lover/adopted brother/finace. We feel this could be a great thing. Just do you, baby!