It's cool everybody, Barack Obama
has been re-elected for his second (and final) term as President of the United States. That means more good stuff for women and gay people, plus some good stuff regarding health care, climate change and public education. But also it means more Michelle Obama
(!!!) and more Barack GIFs. OH HAPPY DAY.
Also on this tip: did you know that Beyonce
joined Instagram seemingly at the same time the election was won? She posted a picture of herself and then one saying "Sorry Mitches!" – but that has been removed. If you don't know by now, her username is baddiebey
Just because we love it, what about before he was POTUS
and he danced to Beyonce
and we all lost our pants because he is so dashing?
might be a bit of a dick, but she is good as saying the right things to her young (and old) fans: "I think women are just, for no reason, wretched to each other all the time, and I don’t think they use clothes or men or perfume or make-up or anything more than they use anything else. We should all make an effort to be nice to one another all the time." Preach it how you teach it, Gaga!
On that note: if everybody doesn't stop picking on Christina Aguilera
's more curvy body-shape I am going to be really mad. Also, she looks excellent and her booty is juicy. We whole-heartedly approve (of her at any size).
Don't panic: the fact that there is now a television show called Extreme Cougar Wives
is definitely not a sign of Western Civilisation's ultimate downfall or the first days of the apocalypse, it probably just means we're all getting really, really, really, really, really dumb.
THERE IS A JUSTIN BIEBER
SEX-DOLL. WE REPEAT: THERE IS A JUSTIN BIEBER SEX DOLL. (See gallery for SFW images.) Here is the product's description: "Just-In Beaver, the barely legal boy-toy who’s waited 18 long years to stick his lil’ dicky in something sticky! When he’s not busy beating up paparazzi or beating off, he’s up to his high-tops in hot Hollywood tail! But the Beave-ster doesn’t have this effect just on women — he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off!" Heavens to Betsy.
How many Victoria's Secret models are single and haven't already seen Leonardo DiCaprio
's dick? He's probably running low because he just broke up with another one.
To anybody who cares/understands about a Boy Meets World
sequel series, congratulations, you are officially old and need to consider your retirement plan.
This isn't good. You know how last week it was reported that Cee-Lo
had been accused of sexual assault? There are details now: apparently a woman claims Lo took her out for dinner in Downtown LA, bought her a drink and she blacked out. She awoke the next day, naked, with Cee-Lo watching her. He says it isn't true. We hope it isn't. No jokes here.
Also in not great news: Australian actor Sam Worthington
got arrested for being a drunk douchelord in Atlanta. Way to make us proud, mate.
Here's some great news though: George Lucas
is taking the $4 billion (billon) he's getting after selling Star Wars to Disney and he's donating is all
to his education charity. FUCK YEAH USE THE FORCE KIDS!
doesn't care what you think. On the Today
show, she was asked about her relationship status with Robert Pattinson
and worked some excellent body language that pretty much told everybody she was about 38 seconds away from committing homicide.
is going to sue a Los Angeles taco restaurant for about $25 thousand because he reckons the bouncers punched his pretty face for no reason. If you remember who Keegan is then please refer to our comment about Boy Meets World
KARDASHIAN NEWS: Kim Kardashian
has been photographed parking her Rolls in handicapped parking spaces in Miami. We hope this isn't true almost as much as the Cee-Lo being a sex pest thing.
In better news: Kim
was seen wearing a rings with Kanye
's initials on them. (Photo in the gallery.) K+K FOREVERANDEVERANDEVER.
might really be going to jail this time, you guys. Apparently her assistant dobbed her in to the police about that Porsche accident and said Linds actually was driving the vehicle. Le ruh roh.
dropped a teaser of a new song from her upcoming record and then deleted it. Whatever, except that it's a duet with Chris
"I dress like Arabic people and imply that they are all terrorists for Halloween / I beat up the woman I was in love with / I get in bar fights / I make terrible music and even worse decisions" Brown
. Here are some lyrics: "You'll always be the one that I wanna come on to / Boy let me love you and show you how's spice show you off / I wanna be your baby, you'll always be my baby / Tell me what you want now". Then Brown sings: “Me and you/ Said ain't no nobody's business.” EYE-ROLL.
Word is the powers that be are bringing the Real Housewives
franchise to Australia. [here's your collective groan] BRYNNE EDELSTEN OR GTFO. (Also, maybe some criminal's ex-wife maybe? Or a footballer's mistress? OK, OK, we would watch it.)
Vice President of the USA Joe Biden
filmed a guest spot on Parks & Recreation
before the election. Eight billion thumbs up A++++ That is going to be really great. WE HOPE THEY BRING BACK ENTERTAINMENT 720 SO YOU CAN PUSH THAT PARTY BUTTON, BIDEN.