Bla(aaaaaaaaaaaa)ke Fielder-Civil is in a coma. His girlfriend says he came home under the influence of something, went to bed and in the morning she couldn't wake him. Doctors have put him in a medically induced coma. :(
Looks like
Robert Pattinson isn't going to forgive
Kristen Stewart in a hurry. She's been banned from the premier of his new movie. Also in bad news: his new movie isn't called
Cedric Diggory Rises, which sucks.
...On that tip,
Liberty Ross (the wife) says she wants to work it out with
Rupert Sanders, even though she's been meeting with lawyers and not wearing her wedding ring. This
could be one of those times the gossip mags are fibbing to us.
Want to know when/how
Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad popped his cherry? It was an $8 Dutch hooker.
Speaking of $8 hookers (just kidding, calm down)
Kourtney Kardashian and
Scott Disick had another baby? Kourtney has said that Scott still hasn't changed one (1) diaper. What would you expect from this guy though?
In more
Kardashian news:
Yeezy tweeted that he wrote 'Perfect Bitch' about
Kimmy. She said: "I'm honoured. I love it. I know he doesn't mean it in a negative way when he says the word 'bitch.'" GOOD 1 KIM 4 KNOWING 'BITCH' IS JUST THE RAP SLANGS.
Jennifer Garner doesn't want any more kids. Cool. Remember when
Ben Affleck had that black eye around the same time that
Blake Lively's nude photos were leaked and everybody said Garner punched Affleck and then leaked the photos and she's actually an evil mastermind?
Guys, do you really think
Stephanie Rice and
Kobe are doing it?
Elton John on
Madonna: "She is such a nightmare. I'm sorry. Her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster and it couldn’t happen to a bigger cunt... She looks like a fucking fairground stripper."
Here's the full interview with
Molly Meldrum. (Welcome back, Molly! Missed you.)
Natalie Portman married that French dude. ie: She married a man that is not you.
Everybody is saying that
Amber Heard and
Johnny Depp are already over. Depp went out with his new lover
Steve Tyler the other night. Both look like they are channeling a weird blend of pirate / hobo / rockstar / old bloke who just wants to wear comfortable shoes and make Dad Noises with his mouth. (Photos in the gallery.)
Word is that
Katy Perry and
John 'Your Body is a Wonderland' Mayer have gone from dinners at the Chateau Marmont to sleepovers at his place. Can you even imagine? Don't. We did and we
do not advise it.
LL Cool J is a legend. Obviously. Especially because when he had dinner at a table next to five middle aged ladies a few nights ago, he sneakily paid their bill. What a bloody cutehead.
Justin Bieber is a little bit of a bitch. (WE CANNOT BELIEBER WE ARE SAYING THIS EITHER.) He's had a go at
Prince William's bald head: "I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays, like Propecia... You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?” (Meanwhile, we're assuming that Biebs knows a lot about hair loss just because his own is
half the reason he has a career muy important to him.)
Huge news:
Jack Nicholson got photographed with his fly open.
Octomom has said that it was
Madonna who inspired her to go topless in a photoshoot. Thanks Madonna.
Mila Kunis and
Ashton Kutcher keep saying they are just friends. Everybody keeps rolling their eyes at them and begging her mates to intervene and get her some counselling / STD medication.
Another day, another '
John Travolta tried to touch my private area!' accusation. This time it was a cruise ship employee who says Danny Zuko tried to get fresh. We're not saying you have to be gay to be a dancer, but this dance scene was definitely part of my homo BFF's compilation video of oiled up men in M-rated films.