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The week in trashbaggery - volume 145

03 AUG 2012 | Posted By: Katie

The week in trashbaggery - volume 145

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
Britney and Justin
Jessica Biel
Kanye and Kim
Karl Lagerfeld
Katy Perry and John Mayer
Paris Hilton and Chris Brown
Robert Pattinson has shacked up at his former co-star and buddy Reese Witherspoon's house in Ojai (somewhere in California) where he is crying all the time and not sparkling like he used to. Apparently he is smoking cigarettes and jogging a lot: "he's huffing past a lavender-scented meadow, a pool, and a horse paddock". Who even wrote that?

Heartbreaker Kristin Stewart is holed up at her parents' house. We assume to hide from the countless tween/teen girls (and bi-curious boys and bored, overly sexual housewives) who are, no doubt, sending death threats by the second. 

Apparently Jessica Biel doesn't have any female friends and is having a hard time organising her bachelorette party ahead of her marriage to Justin Timberlake. Girls who don't like other girls are fucking demented, so we choose to believe that Biel actually has about a hundred lady-pals to invite to her party and they will get fuck-eyed on Patron and swim in the sea at Puerto Escondido and cook a pig on a spit.

But also, NEVER FORGET :(

Gross, Paris Hilton is hanging out with Chris Brown in France. She tweeted a photo of them (see the gallery) and wrote "This is how we party in the South of France! #GoodTimes last night @ChrisBrown ☺♡♫" #coolhashtagParis #youclearlyunderstandsocialmedia #swag #swaggy #swagasaurusrex

Rihanna and Chris Brown are still playing kissyface, says everybody.

Rihanna should make Drake her boo already, says everybody. 

This whole Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher thing is a really great idea, says nobody.

...Kunis and Kutcher have been on a romantic vacation in Bali and now the Two and a Half Men d-bag wants to put babies inside her and we just want to find her and save her because we're sure this is some kind of Stockholm Syndrome thing and you know you are better than this, Kunis. YOU KNOW IT. 

It's time for a Kim and Kanye update. The couple went to Mexico with Joe Francis (aka the guy who was jailed for making child porn when he shot underage girls flashing their goodies for his Girls Gone Wild fuckery) and went zip-lining. There's a photo in the gallery. Yeezy looks sweaty. It might make you think of him sexually. It might not be the best.

Lest we forget Kimmy's music career.

Katy Perry and John Mayer had dinner together at the Chateau Marmont and were holding hands and then they were photographed in a car together (see the gallery) to they are definitely married now. We fully support this union. Mostly because it gets Mayer off the prowl. (In other news, doesn't John Mayer look like the guy who peaked in high school and now slobs around smoking bongs and getting Cheeto crumbs on his faded polo shirt?)

Speaking of stoners and Katy Perry, word is that Lindsay Lohan crashed a party Perry threw for her stylist and KP asked her to leave. Idiot. Everybody knows that parties get BONANZA when Lohan arrives. At the very least somebody would have gotten their car clipped, still... ACTION!

Lest we forget Lindsay's music career.

The very excellent Joseph Gordon-Levitt has hit back at the writer of his GQ interview, in which the writer mentions the actor's brother's death: "Using the word 'alleged' technically allows the writer to say whatever she wants. The 'allegations' to which she must be referring were made by a handful of gossip websites. They are factually incorrect according to the coroner’s office and the police department." We say "allegedly" and "apparently" a lot too, Joe. But we're just kidding around. Call me.

Courtney Love is still cuckoo and went on another Twitter rampage saying that Lana Del Rey should be aware that 'Heart Shaped Box' (which Del Rey covered at Splendour in the Grass) is about her coochie... AND NOW WE'RE ALL THINKING ABOUT COURTNEY LOVE'S VAGINA. THANKS COURTNEY. 

Lest we forget Courtney's music career. (Really tho.)

Karl Lagerfeld reminds us why he's Kunty Karl: "Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman, I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don't like the sister's face. She should only show her back."

All the girls want to bang Ryan Gosling, so here's some Gosling information: he got lunch at Flore Vegan Cuisine in Silver Lake, LA the other day. Also, continues to be buff. 

Remember Nivea? You know how she has a son with Lil Wayne? DID YOU ALSO KNOW THAT SHE WAS MARRIED THE-DREAM AND HAS THREE KIDS WITH HIM?
The week in Trashbaggery - volume 229
The week in trashbaggery - volume 228
The week in trashbaggery - volume 227
The week in trashbaggery - volume 226
The week in trashbaggery - volume 225
The week in trashbaggery - volume 224
The week in trashbaggery - volume 223
Comments on this Post
There are "1" comment(s) on "The week in trashbaggery - volume 145"

Senior Member Em-T
"She should only show her back." Love/hate you, KK.
Em-T  -  2 years ago
Reply  |  Report

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