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The week in trashbaggery - volume 143

20 JUL 2012 | Posted By: Katie

The week in trashbaggery - volume 143

Antonio Banderas
Frank Ocean
Johnny Depp
Kanye and Kim
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise
Marilyn Manson
Miley Cyrus
Sylvester Stallone
Tom Cruise
Sylvester Stallone's son, Sage Moonblood Stallone, was found dead in LA this week. Apparently the 36-year-old was living like a bit of a recluse – with cigarette butts, drink cans and rotting food covering his apartment, and his housekeeper was under strict instructions not to enter his bedroom under any circumstances. So it's unclear how long he was dead for. :(

Also in sad news: Antonio Banderas cheated on his wife of 15 years, Melanie Griffiths, and is now trying to win her back. Puss in Boots, we thought more highly of you. (If we were real cunts we'd say something about Griffiths' face-work, but we're heaps classy so we'll say nothing.)

...Meanwhile, this is strangely apt. Keep it in yo' pants, Banderas

Suri Cruise has been enrolled in a Catholic school. Thank goodness she's escaped Xenu and her soul is safe. Praise Jesus. Testify. Amen. Hallelujah. Etcetera. :| Also, Suri's mama Katie Holmes apparently wants to change her name to Scout Holmes, instead of Suri Cruise. We think she should change it to Xenu Almighty Mafucker$, just to mess with them all. 

Now there is also a rumour that Cruise left Holmes for a super-babin' twink he met on Craigslist an actress called Olga Kurylenko – who you may remember from Quantum of Solace. Nice try, Cruise publicists but, in the immortal words of De La Soul, "Who you think you really gonna fool, huh?"

Miley Cyrus
 only owns midriff tops, but we're not mad about it.

Johnny Depp is BFFs with Marilyn Manson. Says Manson "We have matching tattoos on our backs – Charles Baudelaire, the flowers of evil, this giant skeleton thing... It’s kind of a secret. People say to us 'Why did you get that?' And we say 'No reason.'" First of all mate, nobody really cares. Second of all, we just assume you have matching tattoos because like the rest of the world, you're kind of in love with Johnny Depp.

OctoMom is still a thing. And that 'thing' is stripping now. 

Nas spoke about his great new record Life Is Good – including some information about the Kelis Wedding Dress Escandalo:

Reason #426162974561181782649985633 you don't want to date Charlie Sheen: Bree (one of Sheen's former 'goddesses') has released a song in which she calls out her ex-boyf for tweeting during sex. Eyes on the prize, Lt Topper. 

Russell Brand isn't heartbroken anymore you guys! He's dating actress Jordana Brewster’s sister, Isabella. She looks really cute and there is no joke here.

The 2012 Gathering of the Juggalos is happening. The irony of not conforming and joining the Juggalos is, evidently, still lost on some. But the festival will feature performances by George Clinton, The Pharcyde and Raekwon, so that's cool. 

Apparently Demi Moore and Bruce Willis's three daughters – Tallulah, Scout and Rumer – are considering taking out restraining orders on their mama. Strangely this has happened after she broke up with Ashton Kutcher

Breaking: Elle MacPherson continues looking ridiculously good in a bikini. 

You know how Frank Ocean came out and said he had a relationship with a man who had a girlfriend and then refused to admit to any reciprocating feelings? Everybody says that unnamed man is Kanye West. Where even to begin?

Speaking of Kanye and the Kardashians, Yeezy made his first appearance on the show as Kimmy's Boyfriend Forever And Ever™ and he is wooden as fuck, but the most LOL part is how they tried to make it look like Kim dressed herself. 

Ray J (aka Brandy's brother, aka the guy Kimmy Kardashian made her schtoop-tape with, aka Whitney Houston's former boyf) reckons he "created" Kim's celebrity. "I DONT HANG WITH STARS, I CREATE THEM!" he says. Which would be a compelling argument if we didn't need to give you three different contexts to explain why you should know his name. Ray J, stop trying to make Ray J happen. It's not going to happen.

Daniel Tosh, huh? #rapelolsthatarenotlol

Old mate Pete Doherty got kicked out of rehab for being a mess. Isn't that counter-productive? Poor thang. 

Justin Bieber is in Australia! JUSTIN BIEBER IS IN AUSTRALIA! DID YOU SEEM HIM? DID YOU TOUCH HIM / HIS HAIR? DID HE WALK INTO ANOTHER GLASS DOOR? Also, Biebs says that he was an accident: "She's [his mama] amazing… I was definitely an accident. It’s great my mom is super young, she’s a friend and a mom. She’s always been really strict, she still keeps me in line." AS IF JUSTIN BIEBER WAS AN ACCIDENT, THAT IS LIKE SAYING JESUS WAS AN "ACCIDENT". 

Did you have a shitty week? Shitty day? Shitty hour? This kid (in a Snuggie, of course) has made an amazing version of Beyonce's 'Countdown' video. What a little GOAT.

Follow @katiealiceolsen
The week in Trashbaggery - volume 229
The week in trashbaggery - volume 228
The week in trashbaggery - volume 227
The week in trashbaggery - volume 226
The week in trashbaggery - volume 225
The week in trashbaggery - volume 224
The week in trashbaggery - volume 223
Comments on this Post
There are "1" comment(s) on "The week in trashbaggery - volume 143"

New Lounger londondillon
Why are there so many plants in that kids living room!?.... and if it's not a living room, why is there a plasma tv in the green room!?.... questions.
londondillon  -  2 years ago
Reply  |  Report

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