Nobody panic! Justin Theroux
is not breaking up with Jennifer Aniston
. He says he "could not be happier. I always go to bed thinking I'm the luckiest guy in the world." Brad Pitt
doesn't think that, he is too busy trying to figure out how to free himself from the sex harness Angie tied him in.
is still dating [blonde model type]
continues planning his wedding // I continue breaking out in hives.
married his GF of seven years Camila Alves
. She wore a headpiece like the Childlike Empress wears in The Neverending Story. Lucky bitch. (But then she did just commit to a douchelord so she ain't that
Everybody thinks Megan Fox
is pregnant with David Silver
flashed her chi-chis in one of her concerts. World continues spinning.
Word is Lindsay Lohan
is banging a pornstar called James Deen,
she's not crashing cars.
Everybody keeps riding Rihanna
's dick about her sek-c outfits. We say, more power Rihanna
. You want to wear transparent bandeau bra thingys, why the fuck not?
But also RiRi
, whyyyyyyyy? The mega-babe was seen hanging out with Chris Brown
again. This time it was at Jay-Z's club 40/40 in New York. :/
Breaking: Chris Brown
and Drizzy Drake
got into a brawl. The story is that both of them, and their entourages, were at WIP nightclub in NYC and Brown sent Drake
's table a bottle. Drake
sent it back with a note that read: "I'm fucking the love of your life. Deal with it." Then all hell broke loose. Brown got hit by a bottle and posted a photo of his injuries (see gallery). POOR CHRIS BROWN HE GOT AN BOO-BOO ON HIS FACE AND NEEDED A BANDAID AND WAH WAH WAH WAH NOW YOU KNOW HOW RIRI FELT MATE
is not ageing. What the fuck kind of super-unicorn-juice does Uncle Jesse have for breakfast?
turned 35 years old this week. He Tweeted about it IN ALL CAPS OBVIOUSLY (LOVE YOU YEEZY): "THANKS TO ALL MY FANS. I AM TWEETING UNDER THE STAGE WHILE JAY IS RAPPING IN DUBLIN ON MY BIRTHDAY. YOU GUYS MAKE ALL MY DREAMS POSSIBLE."
Also on Kanye
's birthday, his GF Kimmy Kardashian
bought him the most ridiculous whip of all time ever. It's a 2012 Lamborghini Aventador that costs about $400 thousand.
news: somebody broke into his Hollywood HIlls mansion and put their dirty hands on his stuff and probably tasted all his food and tried on all his clothes. (That is what I would do, anyway.)
is still pregnant, is scared of breastfeeding, is not a genius: "I'm just scared. My friend did and she said it was so painful…but I definitely want to pump because it's the best nutrients for the baby. It's kind of like you're a cow and you're just milking." (Can we talk about how she's not scared of the actual childbirth?)
...On that tip, if you are pregnant and a little nervous/queasy, don't go see Prometheus
. Unless you just want to swoon at Fassbender
for two hours.
has a friend, who is a dude. They went swimming together, made eye contact, had conversations and made physical contact. Therefore they are boning like crazy little bunnies. Cyrus said in response to the tabloid gossip: "I love my fiancé & he loves me. All the rest is bull sh*t." (How she Tweeted that while also giving old mate a wristy we'll never know.)
's wife Tashera
is officially divorcing the rapper after 14 years. Evidently prison stints, drug addiction, and fathering six (6) children outside of the marriage can't be fixed just because he did this:
went to a Coldplay concert. Something really doesn't add up with this Gwyneth Paltrow
/ Chris Martin
friendship. WHAT GIVES ILLUMINATI? WE ARE ONTO YOU.
owes millions of dollars in unpaid tax. Nobody is surprised. But he didn't pee on anybody!
Guys, why did nobody tell me about Glamorous Monique
This is cute, Girls creator Lena Dunham
had a big boner for Jimmy Fallon
. ie: she is human.