died this week of a heart attack. He was 66 years old. There is no joke here. :(
continues to be a fucking boss: "The last thing you’ll ever see me do is jump up and down, saying 'These are lies!' That would be unfair and unkind to my good friends in the gay community. I’m not going to let anyone make it seem like being gay is a bad thing. My private life is private, and I’m very happy in it. Who does it hurt if someone thinks I’m gay? I’ll be long dead and there will still be people who say I was gay. I don’t give a shit."
is still criminally handsome.
is pregnant. Can't make a joke, have to go purchase canned goods and gas-masks.
IS OF LEGAL AGE. This is huge. Also, scary. Happy 18th birthday, Biebs. (His manager Scooter gave him a $100k car. The fact that we know all about Scooter is concerning.)
Here's another reason to get the Biebs Fevs
: "i want to use my bday to help others. if u want please donate $18 to @charitywater on my 18th bday! #GiveBack - charitywater.org/justinbieber". Good boy.
It's also Ke$ha
's birthday today. Um.
is still awesome. She has been breastfeeding Blue Ivy™
in public. Hooray for chi-chis! Hooray for babies! Hooray for ladies!
Gentlemen, start your tear-ducts: Natalie Portman
secretly married that guy that isn't you.
Guys, look at Lil' Kim
(Image from dlisted.com)
is single now and looks like a homeless person. But even in stained and torn scarves and a fucking fedora, this man could/would get laid thrice daily. (Photos in the gallery.)
Shocker: Paris Hilton
is kind of self-important. The girl whose bones are made from cubic zirconias apparently celebrated her 31st birthday for an entire fortnight.
Guess who is cooking another baby? Uma Thurman
. Remember her?
has done some promos for her SNL
appearance. What is happening to her face? Is that coke bloat or surgery? Also, these ads aren't very funny. :(
a thing. Now he's apparently boning Taylor Swift
. (Are we allowed to say that T. Swift seems to bone a lot of dudes? We're not mad.)
ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEGANGELINA JOLIE'S LEGANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEGANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG ANGELINA JOLIE'S LEG
OK, nobody panic. But there is no Kardashian news this week. Other than the fact that Kim apparently got Instagram, and dedicated a song to Demi Moore at some party. It was 'Whip It' by Devo. As if she thought of that on her own. (ie: Kourtney or Khloe did that.)
Speaking of Demi Moore
, remember this? Being famous would really stink, hey.
Apparently genius Stephen Hawking
regularly visits sex clubs. Naked ladies kinda jiggle around on him. More power, Hawking. Why the fuck not, hey?
is going to help Katy Perry
find a new man. RiRi
, I just want to give you a hug.
and Amber Rose
are engaged. Fucks given by us: 0
Fucks given by Yeezy: -8
Here's the Family Ties
theme song to cleanse you of all the shit we just threw your way.