This guy, CM Punk (a WWE legend)
, wants to beat up Chris Brown, because Chris Brown
started a twitter feud with him. "I will choke you out, and I will make you feel as weak and powerless and scared and alone as any woman that has had the misfortune of knowing a sad, cowardly little boy such as yourself." TAKE THAT.
We should maybe rename today's column The Week in Chris Brown Douchery:
stole a fan's phone after she took a photo of him in Miami. He apparently said "Bitch, you ain't putting that on no website." A step up from his previous pick-up lines.
In other news: Brown
and his girlfriend, model Karrueche Tran, have an open relationship and she doesn't mind. OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T MIND, SHE IS TOO SCARED HE WILL BITE HER ON THE FACE.
did covers/remixes of each others songs this week. Everybody felt really icky about that. Except them. Have you ever read the official record of events of Brown's attack on Rihanna? It is fucked up
Also, these remixes have made me not want to eat cake
Also, what would Jay-Z
Also, we think Rihanna
should go back and date Drizzy
Oh, did somebody say Drake
? Flimsy segue, but we dun care:
might be pregnant, you guys! Don't you think she'd be a great mama? The only answer to this is: FUCK YEAH.
Speaking of parenting, Nas
's daughter Destiny has tweeted a bunch of photos. One is of her white Benz that she named Cocaine and another of a jewelled box full of condoms that sits next to her bed. (Images in the gallery.) Destiny Jones
is of consenting age, so we'd like to applaud her for promoting safe sex. PS. Love you too, Nas
Also promoting safe sex (albeit by mistake) is Zac Efron
, who dropped a condom on the red carpet. He LOL'd. We LOL'd. Go get laid, ya handsome devil!
Apparently Stephen Dorff
is a jerk. He allegedly sent his (ex?) GF – a British reality TV personality – a text message saying "You need to go back to England in a box." This upsets my 13-year-old self greatly. (Images of the couple in the gallery.)
has apparently hinted at a Friends
movie. And then said it's not happening. Look at all the fucks we give:
is handsome, breakdances and is a good sport. We believe this footage proves Jennifer Aniston
isn't the boring, beige zero that the media likes to paint her as.
Things that still appear to be things: Kreayshawn
. "I’m like, a person who likes love. And I can find love in any type of person. I’ve dated girls, and I’ve liked girls. But they’re usually straight girls, so it never works out. I mean, I’m not that gay, so I don’t have the energy to convince someone else to be gay, you know?" Way to remain relevant, beb. :/
and Nick Jonas
broke up. We could/should make a joke about their age difference, but we already zoned out at the mention of Delta Goodrem
Do you want to see Kate Upton
Um, did anybody know that Jessica Biel
and Justin Timberlake
are engaged? Apparently she wants him to sign a pre-nup that says "You dick anybody else, I get half a milli." Oh, Jessica. Go make a movie or something.
And, now for the epitome of The Week in Trashbaggery, a spoken word song by Paris Hilton
about drunk texting. BEHOLD! (Points for being a billion years behind on the phrase "sexting", but explaining it to us anyway. LOL GOOD 1 PARIS.)