This is so outrageous that it's actually barely humorous anymore. Remember that 12-year-old baby-faced kid Alfie who slept with his 15-year-old girlfriend and made a mini baby child? Chantelle said that Alfie was the first boy she'd had fuzzy tingle times with but she was making up naughty fibs. Since then approximately nine million teen chavs have come forward saying that they've been in Chantelle's pants and might be the baby daddy.
Now a DNA test revealed that little Alfie (who has just mastered his eight times table and is now allowed to put his marshmallow in his hot chocolate ALL ON HIS OWN) is not the baby daddy after all.
The story is that Chantelle's crazy classy father decided they should lie and say Alfie was the dad because he looks all innocent and clueless about his own genitals, let alone a lady's bits and perhaps they could make some mad cash-money off of that. Way to parent, Mr Steadman!
Basically, what we can all learn from this story is that we're doomed.
Good morning!