Welcome back Lounger,
Enter your login details below
      Lost your Password?
Become a Lounger.
It's free. It's easy. It's a community. Get involved!

Fill out your details for instant activation as a Lifelounge community member

This gives you access to post in all forums, comment throught the entire site, get all Lifelounge Newsletters and all the updates on our unique promotions, events and initiatives.

Step 1 of 2
Confirm Password:


Your next dog - a mathematic equation

05 APR 2012 | Posted By: Em-T

Your next dog - a mathematic equation

Kim Kardashian's puppy
Kim Kardashian's puppy #2
Rottweiler's are a likely trend
Sausage dogs are trending
Sausage dogs are trending
Sausage dogs are trending
Siberian Huskies are impractical
These dogs wear cardigans
Uggie is everywhere
Uggie is everywhere
Not sure if you've noticed, but French Bulldogs are a bit of a 'trend' right now. Pretty much everyone who's anyone in dog ownership land has one: Leonardo DiCaprio, Reese Witherspoon, Kim Kardashian, Martha Stewart. That smug, tattoo-clad couple sitting on the table next to you at Yellow Bird? They have one. (His name is Rocko, he likes long strolls in the park and he's tied next to your fixie on the street pole outside whilst you all enjoy delicious breakfast burritos.)

Last month the French Bulldog even made its way into a Hungry Jacks commercial, so it's suffice to say that the craze has well and truly hit the mainstream. It's now only a matter of time before the early-adopters start revolting and countless numbers of these miniature, awkward and abnormally large-eared dogs join the ranks of abandoned dalmatians, Paris Hilton's Pomeranians and black Mytiko leggings. 

So, what's next? Trend forecasting admittedly isn't easy. It takes numbers, and possibly a clipboard and some highlighter textas. Luckily, we think we have the solution. Keeping in mind that dogs are in fact living, breathing, feeling ANIMALS (not the latest designer handbag), here's a mathematically derived answer to ensure you don't accidentally go buy yourself a chocolate Labrador. 

This lovable, yappy breed just won a Golden Globe AND an Oscar by proxy of Uggie from The Artist. He can sing! He can play Nintendo! He can give redcarpet interviews with Ryan Seacrest! Uggie's clan has got a substantial amount of pop culture precedents, too: Milo from The Mask, Eddie from the TV show Frasier, and most recently a pooch (also played by Uggie) in that doozy love story, Water For Elephants. All in all, the Jack Russell looks like an easy winner. Almost too easy...
Celebrity Owners: +3
Pop Culture Kudos: +10
Impracticality: -5
Likelihood To Trend: 8

According to some woman on MSNBC, this breed recently entered the Top 10 list of popular dog breeds in the US. Blue chip celebs are already onto them: Elton John, that actress who played Princess Leia, ummm... Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Anyways, this large guard dog is an easy trade-up from the French Bulldog craze: it's also stocky and butch looking, is "great" with kids, and apparently doubles as a cyborg detective. That sounds like winning all round.

Celebrity Owners: -1
Pop Culture Kudos: +4
Impracticality: +6
Likelihood To Trend: 9

Global warming is really starting to kick off these days, so it's almost guaranteed that rich people will soon start buying the most unpractical thing they can to muster to display their lavishness: an animal naturally suited to the Arctic. For now, this breed is flying under the radar, but just you give it six months. By then, the globe will have officially missed those pesky 2012 Kyoto Protocol targets, and people will be begging Siberian Huskies to bobsled them out of melting polar ice-cap puddles.
Celebrity Owners: -4
Pop Culture Kudos: 0
Impracticality: +10
Likelihood To Trend: 6

Currently one of Australia's prominent upper Queensland livestock districts is experiencing a wild dog "plague", with calls to remove Quilpie's 60,000 sheep population because they keep getting eaten (and not in the form of tasty marinated lamb skewers). We see only three solutions: families start adopting sheep, wild dog skin coats become tres fashionable, or these feral canines get domesticated en masse lest they face euthanasia/a hillbilly's shotgun. Have a heart, guys...

Celebrity Owners: +1 (Let's assume Bob Katter is a fan.)
Pop Culture Kudos: 0
Impracticality: 0
Likelihood To Trend: 1

Sausage dogs have all the requisite attributes of a potential dog breed craze: they're weird looking, have the cutest puppies *EVER*, and look like a tasty processed snack food. They've been receiving some interesting mainstream press recently too, but it mightn't all be positive: Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence revealed last week on Letterman that her two brothers used to bully her with them. "They would get our dachshunds and put peanut butter all over my face,” she says “The dogs would go crazy licking… And then they’d shut the door, [and] lock me in the basement with dachshunds.” Um.
Celebrity Owners: +4
Pop Culture Kudos: +9
Impracticality: -2
Likelihood To Trend: 11

Who wouldn't love a dog that can dress itself? Registrations for this breed, which is a fave of the British Royal Family, soared by 130% in the UK after that whole Royal Wedding thing last year. That craze hasn't significantly reached Australia yet, but a strategically timed Kate Middleton pregnancy and some Woman's Day frontcovers are likely all the Cardigan Welsh needs to start sparking local Royalist's interests.
Celebrity Owners: +2
Pop Culture Kudos: +2 (for the elderly)
Impracticality: +2
Likelihood To Trend: 6

As we speak, thousands of abandoned dogs languish in Australian shelters (the RSPCA alone received 67,000 in 2011); where they wait to be adopted or for that illustrious green dream to be injected. Diametrically, our obsession with pedigree "designer" dog fads is linked to puppy farms, backyard breeding, and animals reared in shitboxes for overseas export. For anyone with sanity, the solution looks pretty clear. Of course, Kim Kardashian doesn't have a stray in her Gucci handbag yet, so..
Celebrity Owners: 0
Pop Culture Kudos: 0
Impracticality: -100
Likelihood To Trend: -100
Prepare to get wet, messy and gunge
5 Grams - Edition 2
Mad Men Final Episodes Predictions
Babes Of Our Lives - Bridgette Wilson-Sampras
5 Grams - Edition 1
Enter for the chance to win ‘The Divergent Series - Insurgent’ movie tix
Babes Of Our Lives - Debbe Dunning
Comments on this Post
There are "0" comment(s) on "Your next dog - a mathematic equation"

Want to talk it out?

If you’re already a Lifelounge member, simply login. Or you can connect via Facebook. If you want to stay anonymous (chicken!) just fill in this form for a once-off comment.

To sign-up to Lifelounge click here.
Your Name:
Your Email:

Link Image YouTube

Featured Today on Lifelounge
J Dilla x Stussy figure drop
J Dilla x Stussy figure drop

Posted in Music - 2 days ago

5 Grams - Edition 2
5 Grams - Edition 2

Posted in The Lounge - 5 days ago

Daily Instagram Goodness
Also by Em-T
The Trip campaign by One Teaspoon
The Trip campaign by One Teaspoon

Posted in Fashion - 2 years ago

Friend of Mine's Baby Blue campaign
Friend of Mine's Baby Blue campaign

Posted in Fashion - 2 years ago

ManiaMania visits The Astral Plane
ManiaMania visits The Astral Plane

Posted in Fashion - 2 years ago

Quarterflash - Harden My Heart. If this song isn't...
Interesting post! More accurate information on thi...

1 link
in Simpsons Episode eleven season eighteenth (Reve...
Is this internship paid?
Newest reading! The presented concept of the subje...

1 link
That's a unique way to grab the interests of the m...

1 link
Lauren Speigh
Converse shoes has become first choice for many of...

1 link
Lucas Grogan paints and stitches conversations
Lucas Grogan paints and stitches conversations