Movies have taught us so much. How to woo potential mates (boombox outside their bedroom window), how to score the admiration of our peers (win the 'big game' and bang the head cheerleader) and how to be a generally likable human being (don't be ugly).
We've decided to start a series examining the various ways movies have learned us stuff by breaking it down genre by genre. Let our life education begin (how Oprah is that!?).
Here is What Horror Movies Have Learned Us:
Don't accept dessert from creepy neighbors. Mostly likely it is full of date rape drugs that will lead to your impregnation with the spawn of Satan. Most likely.
The Blair Witch Project
You know how everyone told you you shouldn't go into the woods, and you did it anyway for your crappy university assignment or whatever? DO NOT GO INTO THE FUCKING WOODS.
Oh yeah let's all go to this cabin in the middle of nowhere during an intense snowstorm, and when weird stuff starts happening and people begin to disappear, let's hang around and see what happens instead of leaving. LOLOLOL– wait, we're dead now.
Don't make fun of that weird girl at school when she gets her period. Chances are she can kill you with her eyes.
Nightmare on Elm Street
DON'T FALL ASLEEP!!!
Silence of the Lambs
Just because someone is helpful and polite does not mean you can trust them. Especially when they have a tendency to escape from prison and eat people.
Indian burial grounds are generally not the best spot to build a hotel. It doesn't matter how pretty the hedges are.
When you hear that watching a certain VHS causes you to, well, die then maybe don't keep it lying around the house. Rent Beaches
Friday the 13th
If you have sex, then you will probably die. Oh.
Night of the Living Dead
Humans biting other humans rarely ends well (same goes for monkeys).