Oprah is so insanely powerful that she probably has access to your computer right now.
She could buy your house, steal your partner and probably controls the weather. She chooses which books you read, the movies you see and which president you elect. Her dogs probably have a better life than you, and that's like her least favourite dog. Who knows what her best dog gets!
Despite her wealth and influence, no one really hates Oprah. She's like Gaia the Earth mother, giving us advice we probably don't need and ideas for Mother's Day presents from now until infinity. To celebrate her birthday, here are twelve reasons Oprah Winfrey is a fierce genius:
She wins over other talk show hosts. Even when she lets them know she never liked them but now she's thinks they're OK, they get happy and embarrassed and not at all punch-y.
(She also sometimes attributes other people's success to herself, and they nearly sob with gratitude.)
She makes people do/say things they wouldn't normally do/say.
If she doesn't like the sound of someone's name, she literally changes the pronunciation.
She at least 5 dogs at her house at any one time.
She is rarely impressed by what people say.
Sometimes she gives away t-shirt bras instead of diamond encrusted cars, just to fuck with people.
She puts herself on the cover of her own magazine every single month.
She likes to talk to other rich women about how cool it is to be a really, rich woman.
She's really good at Instagram.
Owning a network has given her a greater platform to disapprove of people's life choices.
She is like a religious leader, but much, much better than that.