It’s been a pretty emotionally damaging day in the office. For some ungodly reason we thought it would be so hilarious to do a Lounge post on some of the most fucked up fan fiction polluting the interwebs. SO FUNNY RIGHT?
Nup. Not funny at all. We feel pretty uncomfortable about the fact that Lifelounge has its own account on Weasleycest.com (a whole website dedicated to Weasley incest Fan fic). We’re just trying to give the people what they want!*
Hope you have immediate access to a shower and a brittle loofah to scour yourself with.
*this definitely is not what they want.
Coming across 1D slash fiction is uncomfortably easy. Mosey on over to onedirectionfanfiction.net and head straight to the Slash category for the best (worst) stuff.
-“Go deeper. Deep throat it babe." Before I knew it a moan was escaping my lips as Harry took my whole length in his mouth. "You fucking whore!" I yelled at him as my eyes rolled to the back of my head at the intense pleasure I felt.
-This is scawy :/
-I let out a whimper as he entered me. Harry was used to this however, and waited for me to stretch for him before moving at all.
We always thought that Harry was the considerate one!
"Harry, Hazza, fuck. Shit, I'm so fucking close babe." Harry quickened his pace, if that was at all possible.
-Hazza= total boner killer.
Do you have any idea how much erotic Twilight fanfic there is out there in the big bad world? We do. It’s a lot. If anyone has ever read the Twilight series/seen the movies/functioned in every day life for the past 4 years, you will be aware that the books are literally throbbing with sexual tension.
Considering it’s how 50 Shades of Grey was developed (which is basically as mainstream as My Little Pony now) we were expecting some pretty fucked up shit. Turns out Twilight fans are pretty sappy and lame after all.
Reading 7 chapters worth of Saddle Club erotic fiction is not in any of our job descriptions. To be honest this is pretty harmless - just a bit of masturbation/girl-on-girl/there is no bestiality involved (this time) thank god.
Apparently the disclaimer, “all characters are over the age of 18 in this work of fiction” is supposed to reassure us. It didn’t.
At her friend’s harassment she hurriedly looked around to retrieve her jodhpurs, but they were nowhere to be seen!
-This is fanfiction about girls who like riding horses if you were wondering.
”I don’t know, I guess deep down I’m waiting to do it with someone really special, you know, someone I really loved, so it would be magical.”
-This is Saddle Club, after all.
”Repressing a sigh of longing as Stevie and Carole playfully tackled each other amongst the hay; Lisa started scooping up the morning manure.”
-Lisa always misses out on the fun stuff :(
Okay. We officially quit.
He felt awful that he had pictured his sister while touching himself. Why could he not get the image of a writhing, naked redhead out of his mind?
-YEP RON FEELING AWFUL IS THE APPROPRIATE REACTION TO THIS. Other correct answers include voluntary genital amputation.
“Well you always did have a talented tongue,” she said playfully. Ron had never licked a girl down there before, but the thought of tasting Ginny was enticing.
-no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
Oh. My. God. I am a terrible person! Today I went flying with Ron. We were horsing around and it had been a couple days since I’d had any release. I had totally innocent intentions, but the longer we flew the more I was getting turned on, just by the feeling of big, strong man holding me. Anyways, I start to feel him getting hard. MY OWN BROTHER!