Groan. Apparently fitness fads are back on the agenda. A new survey of exercise trends recently
showed that "boot camp is hot whilst pilates is not", with lots of people preferring regimented classes rather than, like, walking. Swinging your vagina around a room full of plus-40 fatties is also apparently quite popular, with highly publicised work-out fads such as Zumba reaching their peak.
However, for those of us that prefer the "model diet" (apples, cigarettes and laxatives), all these new fads may just seem like a lot of unnecessary sweat, tears and hard work. They also make one nostalgic for a time when fitness meant plonking yourself on the couch with a video cassette of your favourite B-Grade celebrity. The lessons we've learnt off them in the last few decades are invaluable... and none of needed to involve actual exercise.
Here are some of the better ways that celebrities have taught us to get fit. Just watch those calories melt away....
Having a bad day? Duh. Being sixteen can be so hard. Whether it's because you've got too much homework, a bad report card, or no babysitting jobs lined up for the weekend, Alyssa Milano suggests you simply call your friends "and work it out together". Laugh all you will about Teen Steam's
fitness credentials... but bets are it helped a lot of teenage boys work out their right hands.
Those pounds not melting away as fast as you wish? Take your cat, Snowy, for a brisk thirty minute walk, says Brenda Dickson. Failing that, you could always superimpose your body upon somebody else's...
Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease
is most definitely all about the fitness.
Are your triceps not as defined as they used to be? O.J. Simpson would suggest you stab your wife a few times in a severe downwards motion. He shot this video, Minimum Fitness For Men
, just before he "didn't" kill his wife and her lover. He has a "pretty simple game plan" for the man who wants to combat middle-age-spread: work out, eat smarter, sweat a little, and get a good lawyer. Most creepy is this out-take video
which was subpoenead by the U.S. court for a character assessment into his mental health.
TURN BACK TIME
Cher is renowned for her inability to succumb to gravity. The pop-star's physique has gone pretty much unchanged since the release of her fitness video A New Attitude
in the early nineties. Disregarding that's she's now completely made out of plastic, this fact obviously speaks volumes about the potential of her exercise regime.
Just look at those boobs... definitely the result of mutiple chest presses. Admittedly, we were completely addicted to Girls of the Playboy Mansion
for about four years straight and almost purchased this workout series presented by the three bunnies.
For best results, combine this workout with a daily serving of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
BUY A DOG
Studies show that people who own dogs live fitter, healthier, more fruitful lives. It appears that Californian-born model Mariko Takahashi would agree with this. Whilst its Japanese roots make it borderline believable, this short-film is actually a word-for-word parody of a fitness video by mid-'90s self-help sensation
Susan Powter, who infamously wore fake muscle suits to make herself look buff.