So you’ve splashed out on some turntables, a mixer, over-priced headphones, Serato and a hard drives worth of blog house/trance/clown-step/slutwave/whatever. Congratulations, you can now start inviting people back to your place for sleazy after-parties. Huzzah! Oh, and if they’re not convinced about your DJ credentials, one look at the Hoerboard workstation will make your dimmer guests convinced that you're totally professionally professional.
Handcrafted by magic elves in a German castle, the Hoerboard is the Rolls Royce of DJ tables. Entirely customisable, each model is crafted to accommodate specific set-ups and equipment. You want 1200s up in there they’ll make ‘em fit. If you have a thing for CDJs and some effects machine they can do that too. What’s that? You only DJ with iPads? (Ha!) Say no more. And since each table is customised, all the nasty wires and stuff are hidden away from public view.
Available in two different models – classic and scomber – the Hoerboard is the first (and last) word in overpriced DJ tables. It might not help your DJing, but it looks
serious (and the heavily munted will just assume whatever you play is BEST SONG EVER. Massage train!)
(Please be aware that Lifelounge does not condone calling yourself a DJ simply because you can afford the equipment.)