If you've got tickets to Splendour in the Grass
this weekend, chances are you're not concentrating on your work today. If you didn't manage to get tickets, you're probably in a pit of depression and really looking forward to your more fortunate friends coming back on Monday exhausted, sunburnt and malnourished to the point of collapse (but hoarsely whispering that it was entirely worth it. Bastards.).
But before you work out your timetable and plan your 'festival look' (BLEUGH) here are some tips from us to you about what not to do at the festival of festivals.
Is it time for the obligatory don't take drugs line? DON'T TAKE DRUGS KIDS!
Do not bring an iPad.
People who bring iPads to music festivals to film the band on stage, are douchebags. It's as simple as that. WATCH THE BAND WITH YOUR FACE AND NOT YOUR EXPENSIVE ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT.
Do not wear shorts and singlets.
We don't like it when people tell women what they should or shouldn't wear, but let us drop on a knowledge bomb on y'all: it's winter. And the weather forecast
says it's going to rain. So ladies and gents, save those denim underpants and deep V-necks for Meredith or Falls, and don't think that by wearing gumboots and a scarf with summer clothes means you're making it 'seasonal'. You'll just look fucking simple.
Do not forget why you're there.
Remember in the olden days when people went to music festivals to listen to music? LOL, weird. Do not sit in your crappy tent all day drinking UDLs or whatever, while Bloc Party and a million other bands who people would break balls to see, are creating aural gold on stage.
Do not go to the toilet where you are standing.
What do you think this is?
Do not be a jerk.
Do we even need to say this? Don't sass volunteers. Don't fuck around with security. Don't start fights. DON'T THROW BOTTLES AT ACTS OR ASK LANA DEL REY TO "SHOW US YOUR TITS".
Do not forget snacks.
Remember that time you were dying of hunger, but the Beatbox Kitchen line was 1,000 people long and you passed out because you hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before? Oh wait, THAT'S YOUR FUTURE. Bring some Saladas guy!
Do not bring a straightner.
Are you kidding me right now? A festival is the one place you can get away with looking disgusting, because everyone
looks disgusting. Embrace it! Arrive with dirty hair! Roll in the mud! Alternatively, bring a beanie.
Do not sneak in.
You'll get really lost. Remember that guy who tried to sneak into Falls and went missing for a week? Nature is not your friend.
Do not start drinking before you put up your tent.
You'll end up sleeping on the ground, wrapped in tent. While we're on the subject, don't drink anything your new 'friend' hands you while you're on the ferris wheel. Trust us.
Do not miss Azealia Banks.
You will regret for the rest of your life.
much much more at splendourinthegrass.com