Lifelounge guide to white rappers

Have you ever found yourself lying in bed trying to make a mental list of all the white rappers out there? No? Us neither. But just in case you do, here’s the Lifelounge Guide to White Rappers. It’s super scientifical and full of facts. Just like science.

Vanilla Ice
Strength: Irony
Weakness: Getting dangled over the side of buildings
Credibility: Now sells Real Estate in Florida
Highlight: To The Extreme sold something like ten million copies when it was released in 1990


Brian Austin Green
Strength: Playing David Silver for several years on 90210
Weakness: Playing David Silver for several years on 90210
Credibility: Got the Pharcyde to produce his album
Highlight: Somehow getting Megan Fox to marry him


Asher Roth
Strength: Internet savvy
Weakness: Being a dork
Credibility: ‘Okay’ – as long as you ignore that college song
Highlight: 'Lark On My Go Kart' goes hard. Real talk


El-P
Strength: Fiery red hair gives him next level rhyme skills
Weakness: No idea what he’s talking about, tendency to get emo
Credibility: Founded Def Jux
Highlight: Funcrusher Plus


Sage Francis
Strength: His fanbase has never listened to real hip hop
Weakness: He’s never listened to real hip hop
Credibility: Totally legit – if you have a falafel in your hand
Highlight: Once wore an Iron Maiden t-shirt


SkinnyMan
Strength: Can actually rap
Weakness: Is always in prison for stupid crime shit, looks like a junkie
Credibility: Handing out ghetto passes on housing estates
Highlight: All of the Council Estate of Mind LP


Ugly Duckling
Strength: Old school samples, Young Einstein’s dookie gold chain
Weakness: Corny as hell
Credibility: It’s hard to hate on these guys
Highlight: 'Meat Shake'. Mmmmmm, meaty


The Streets
Strength: Cockney accent
Weakness: Every album is significantly worse than the last
Credibility: Geezer
Highlight: 'Weak Become Heroes' (house mix) is proper good at 5am after a drug fucked big night


Brother Ali
Strength: Being Albino, talent
Weakness: Being Albino (can be tough sell in commercial circles)
Credibility: Ghetto pass is valid
Highlight: Managed to convince some magazines he was actually black


Bubba Sparxxx
Strength: Being down with Timbaland
Weakness: Being a hick
Credibility: No one really cares
Highlight: Ummm.


Everlast
Strength: Playing up the Irish angle
Weakness: Will play country if you give him half a chance
Credibility: Actually pretty good
Highlight: 'Jump Around' (obviously)


Necro
Strength: Saying foul shit
Weakness: Grotesque lyrics a reflection of his inner soul / physical appearance
Credibility: Necro is real. No question. Ask the AUS tour manager that quit midway through his visit
Highlight: The porno’s he’s produced.


R.A. the Rugged Man
Strength: Bat Shit Crazy + funny
Weakness: Bat shit crazy
Credibility: Banned from his record label office for sexual harassment
Highlight: This Podcast he did with Prince Paul


Eminem
Strength: Awesome Halloween costumes
Weakness: Stupid gimmicks, has become a parody of himself
Credibility: Dr Dre and Fiddy have his back
Highlight: ‘Doing’ Mariah Carey


Edan
Strength: Good hair. Ability to meld hip hop and druggy psychedelia
Weakness: Hasn’t released an album in five years
Credibility: Check
Highlight: 2005’s Beauty and the Beat is hip hop classic


Aesop Rock
Strength: A mad word nerd
Weakness: Loser fans, too smart for his own good
Credibility: Mental breakdown kudos (via Stuff That White People Like)
Highlight: 'Must Not Sleep' and 'Must Warn Others' tattoos on either arm