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The Fashist Manifesto - volume seventy seven

05 DEC 2012 | Posted By: sallytabart

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The Fashist Manifesto - volume seventy seven

Alexander Wang
 
Blair Waldorf
 
Carla Bruni
 
Heidi Klum
 
Jemima Kirke x Alison Lou
 
Karl Lagerfeld
 
Kate Middleton
 
M.I.A
 
Models eating
 
The Row x Damien Hirst x Just One Eye
Wondering what to do with that extra 55k you had lying around? DON’T PANIC. The Olsen twins know how you feel and want to help! They made another really expensive backpack, this time out of prescription pills in collaboration Damien Hirst and Just One Eye. I’m finding it hard to be sarcastic because I’m crying.

If you’re pov and can’t afford one of the backpacks (lol so embarrassing 4 u), replicas of Blair Waldorf’s headbands are being sold for a measly $4,000. Anyone who still wants to look like the Gossip Girl set wardrobe vomited on them will be sent to the principal’s office immediately.

Kate Bosworth and her bones are the stars of Topshop’s first ever Christmas “mini-movie”. She wears a dress she co-designed with the Topshop team, and sings 'Winter Wonderland'…sorry I spoiled it for you because that is THE ONLY THING THAT HAPPENS. This is literally the most boring thing I have ever seen. Picture Kristen Stewart at a Twilight press conference when somebody asks her if she likes the books, and that is basically what I’m channelling right now. Buy this song on iTunes if you want everyone at Christmas lunch to agree behind your back that you’re the lamest person in the family.

Kate Middleton is having a baby and I’m actually having a minor panic attack at the thought of seeing the word “glowing!” accompanied by a rise in twee/lame maternity wear every day for the next nine months. I just think it would be really fucking great if she went M.I.A pregnant steeze, ya know? 

In other baby news (soz) Lara Stone has said she will give her baby a normal name. BORING.

Karl Lagerfeld is making jellies with footwear brand Melissa now, because sweaty feet sliding around in a cage of plastic is trés chic. Jellies are so fun KL, don't ruin our childhood. 

Everyone’s favourite #Girl Jemima Kirke features in the campaign for designer Alison Lou’s emoticon themed jewellery. She is one of the few pregnant laydeez who haven't caused my legs to involuntarily squeeze together. 

Heidi Klum ended up having her Halloween party, but it wasn't the same without Seal :( she just looked tall and shiny and sad. 

Last week we raised our eyebrows and tut tut tutted at Carla Bruni's comments about how there is "no need for feminism", but she must have read it and felt bad because has since retracted the statement. 

In the notes for this week's Fashist I have written down, "Jourdan Dunn cooking show wtf". I stand by this. She's all like "hehe my arms are so skinny I can't squeeze a lime" and "SEE MODELS DO EAT!!!" which is nearly more painful than the sound of her voice. I recommend subtitles. 

Because the print media industry is so stable right now, Net-A-Porter are going to launch a full print magazine in 2013. Kind of interested in this but not really.Will probs just look at the print images online. 

ALEXANDER WANG IS REPLACING NICOLAS GHESQUIÈRE BALENCIAGA UMM?? Wang will be taking on the role of Balenciaga’s creative director as well as continuing to design for his eponymous brand. Not sure how to feel about this so just gonna use a lot of capitals and exclamation marks till someone tells me what to think. 

And J.W Andersen is taking over Christopher Kane’s position at Versus. STOP WITH THE MUSICAL CHAIRS EVERYBODY I DON’T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE.

Also Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell got naked together for the cover of Interview this month. I feel like I've written that sentence at least a dozen times but apparently not...

THE END.


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