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The Fashist Manifesto - volume seventy four

14 NOV 2012 | Posted By: sallytabart

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The Fashist Manifesto - volume seventy four

Anne Hathaway
 
Deadly Ponies
 
Elle Fanning
 
Heidi Klum
 
Iris Apfel x Dazed and Confused
 
Karlie Kloss
 
M.I.A x Versace
 
Paris Hilton
 
Rihanna
 
Rihanna and Kate Moss
Rihanna got nakes a couple of times this month. Not complaining. Her cover for GQ makes me feel confused feelings. I think I want a leather jacket.

The S+M themed shoot with Kate Moss for V Magazine however, not so much. The styling couldn’t be less interesting (didn’t the S+M fashion fixation die in the sixteenth week 50 Shades of Grey was on the New York Times Best Seller’s List?) and the set looks pretty much like a tampon commercial. This sucks so much. 

Lana Del Rey made another video and if you enjoy plain oatmeal/soggy cardboard boxes/banal sex in the missionary position with your shirt still on while thinking about the best way to get the smell of onion out of your chopping board, this is probably right up your alley. For the rest of us, it’s really not something you need to waste 4 minutes on. But can you please do it anyway so we can talk about how boring it is?

SO BORING RIGHT?!

Taylor Swift wore PANTS everybody! She’s never going to get a boyfriend again!

Can we just take a moment to reflect on how awesome Elle Fanning is?? She is wearing those Prada shoes that are totes fashun and looks SO GREAT. I really want us to have a sleepover so I could roll around in her wardrobe and braid her hair (in a not weird way, I am a really good braider).

Deadly Ponies is still gr8. Always gr8. Look how gr8.

Apparently Anne Hathaway had to literally starve herself for her role in Les Miserables. She said the desired look was “emaciated and radiant”. This was also the affirmation written in lipstick on the Victoria’s Secret backstage mirrors. 

Okay, so Paris Hilton is still a person who attempts to sell things under her personal brand. This behind-the-scenes video for her latest fragrance (is she actually fucking kidding) literally looks and sounds like the teaser for a porno about a bored mermaid. Do you think she’s so sad because her hair extensions are made out of Barbie pony hair? At least she’s nailing emaciated and radiant

Karlie Kloss wore a Native American headdress and disgustingly tokenistic bikini as part of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (uncomfortable with capitalizing all those words). It’s pretty amazing to me that nobody picked up on how offensive this is/how the public would respond to it. OR DID THEY? **conspiracy**. Everyone apologized via Twitter though so it’s A-OK (it’s not, but let’s move on).

Due to a technological slip up in which princess of my world M.I.A projected her desktop background containing folders entitled “Versace Bootleg” and “Versace Outlines” to an audience at MoMA’s PS1, we can pretty much bet our Christmas presents on a collaboration between M.I.A and Versace. Haven’t been this excited about fashuns since zip off pant-shorts. This is the only not shit fashion thing that exists! Let’s watch videos of M.I.A for the rest of the day.

 
 

More on Versace being A+: if I was one of the world’s biggest supermodels whose marriage to a big giant man recently ended and was asked to host the MTV European Music Awards, Heidi Klum’s Versace dress is 100% what I would wear. There is NOTHING more satisfying than euro-trash fash themed revenge. She wore 8 different Versace dresses throughout the night, each more resplendent than the last.

Here is a seriously fucked up video Marc Jacobs released for eyewear. A) What have I said about models trying to act and B) what have I said about simulating masturbation on camera. Okay maybe I haven’t said anything about B) yet, but I would have thought that was the kind of thing I didn’t have to advise on DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING.

Everybody who isn’t Iris Apfel on the cover of Dazed and Confused get out of my office and back to your cubicles right now. These images are kind of old but I definitely don’t care.

Vogue Homme Japan
is over everyone :( Fashion director Nicola Formichetti said that Condé Nast have decided to “switch its men’s publications globally from Vogue to GQ Style”. REALLY? I think I speak on behalf of everyone in saying that we would much rather see bizarre, fucked up Jap fash over numerous pictures of nondescript-sharp-jaw-line-after-five-shadowed men in perfectly tailored suits. RIP.

THE END. 
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