OK, I get it. Jessica Simpson had a baby, so we shouldn’t be calling her ‘fat’ – but, holy Krispy Kreme she is absolutely ginormous. It was obvious that Weight Watchers (with their $4 million deal) would want to get in on the action (or lack thereof) of her need to slim down, but by the looks of things, Jess won’t be getting into any pairs of ass cheek flaunting Daisy Dukes any time soon. Especially now that she has developed a ‘gunt’. Yes, I spelt that correctly - I suggest Urban Dictionary as a reference point. Note to self: Black really isn’t that slimming, especially when you look like an SUV.
On the subject of former babes needing to slim down, Holly Valance has also needed to shed the K.Gs in time for her Malibu wedding to
debonair billionaire Nick Candy. She is said to be using a photograph of her dream wedding dress as inspiration to run off the ‘candy’ (pun completely and totally intended) she has consumed in copious amounts. Just quietly though, I think Holly is totes excited about the fact that she will legally have a name that sounds like a stripper.
Not one to shy away from any sort of, ummm…. exposure, Sharon Stone was feverishly eager to show everyone at the amfAR Inspiration Night in Paris that she still has it. And by ‘it’, I mean boobs. Shazza, who is now 54, wore a black see-through jumper sans bra. I would have preferred if she had gone the full sheer. What is the effing deal with having an opaque panel just above her nipples?! Seriously Sharon, I’m actually a little disappointed.
Snooki is classing it up, yet again. This time using a pram to transport booze - hang on, she’s fully preggers and doesn’t seem like the kind of person to do favours for any of her Jersey Shore pals, so what is the dealio here? Oh well, we should all thank our lucky stars that she has a dress on and not a see through shirt. She hasn’t been wearing pants the past few weeks. Not even kidding.
You might think it a tad OTT to actually want to spend money on a ‘mermaid tail’. I, on the other hand, believe that it has taken much, much too long for this product to become readily accessible. All my mermaid dreams will come to life when I take this bad boy down to the local pool and flop around awkwardly from the change room to the water. Yeah, like that’s the most of my worries……. Cue hair crimping and star fish décolletage.
And no, I don’t know how Daryl Hannah learnt to read either. It’s not important, mermaids can do anything.
And to finish you off, more bizarre haute couture from Paris Fashion Week. Never thought that bondage masks could be bedazzled? Think again. My mind may just be overly kinky, but I kind of like these jeweled creations by Belgium designer Martin Margiela. They actually remind me of Mexican wrestling masks – if those Mexican wrestlers were on a Mardi Gras float, covered in glitter and dancing to Dolly Parton.
Over & out amigos!