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The Fashist Manifesto - volume fifty one

04 JUN 2012 | Posted By: CherryLara

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The Fashist Manifesto - volume fifty one

Dark Crystal
 
Dark Crystal
 
Francesca Eastwood
 
John Travolta
 
John Travolta drag stylez
 
Mila Kunis
 
More NHL beards
 
NHL beards
 
Octomom
 
Princess Leia
Think Tweeting about buying a fake Rolex in Thailand is cool, Lady Gaga? Huh? Huh?!! Well think again. In one of the most random reasons to crack the shits over a celebrity tweet, Thailand’s Commerce Ministry has actually released a statement in the aftermath of the Mama Monster’s tweet about looking forward to ‘getting lost in a lady market and buying a fake Rolex’. Meanwhile, lady-boys around the country are closing down their makeshift street corner businesses and crying into their fake LV handbags.


Speaking of people that like to ‘tuck’, John Travolta enjoys dressing in ladies clothes and terrible blonde wigs. He wasn’t even ‘caught out’ doing it – he actually attended a party in a peach shirt dress, complete with eyeliner and some lippie. Girlfriend really needs to get herself a stylist pronto and go back to being a brunette. 


I hear Octomom’s previous hair stylist is now available for hire. She reported the chronic baby-maker to Child Protective Services after claiming Octomom’s 14 children were living in squalor. At least the poor woman had enough time between making porn and remembering the names of her litter to get her hair did. 

Keeping with the theme of hair, the NHL play offs in the States means beards, beards and more sweaty beards! The tradition of growing some manly face pubes during the play offs is all the rage and, let’s face it, if you can grow one then power to you. 


Tool alert: Francesca Eastwood (yep, Clint’s daughter) reckons that using a chainsaw and setting fire to a $100,000 Burkin bag is akin to art. What the fark is wrong with people? Especially rich people who could put that kind of dosh to much better use. Not surprisingly, Eastwood, 19 and her wanker of a photographer boyfriend, Tyler Shields have retaliated to angry fashionistas and sane people the world over by stating, ‘some people just don’t understand art’. The sound of palms slapping foreheads resonates globally.

Apparently Mila Kunis is fat. Urgh. Give me a break. She weighed 44kgs for her role in Black Swan and got bagged for being much too skinny. Now that she is back to a healthier weight for her new role in the movie Blood Ties, people are calling her a fatty. Let the woman enjoy her friggen hot dogs and move on!

And finally, Eurovision is totally rad. Needless to say, this phenomenal event once again offered up an excess of sequins, wind machines, pyro-technics and sky high hems. It’s also where the fashion goes to die, albeit an extravagant death. Irish twins, Jedward were channeling a cross between bejewelled alien knights and complete douchebags. They succeeded to represent both.


 Rona Nishliu from Albania also managed to fuse together Dark Crystal’s evil Skeksis and Star Wars’ Princess Leia, but with the allure of chest hair.



WORDS: Lara Antonelli
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