Despite being just two-weeks old, 2013 has already seen so much news from the fash world come to light that this introduction is a waste of space: THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND THEY WON’T WAIT FOR US, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Let’s get down to business with Beyoncé news. There’s a lot of it, so hold tight. First, Queen Bey graced the cover of GQ last week in little more than a cropped football jersey (skimmin’ the boobs, always skimmin’ the boobs), a belly chain and high-waisted undies that wouldn’t look out of place in an Axl Rose video.
shot it, but Bey wasn’t having any of his usual “put my glasses on while I give the thumbs up like it’s still kooky” schtick: he’s nowhere to be seen and we’re super grateful for that. In the interview, Beyoncé talks about the room in her house filled with every framed picture of her ever taken. I’m just going to leave that sentence hanging there and allow you to come to the conclusions of what I think about it (IT’S AMAZING).
This comes on the tail of the announcement that Destiny’s Child
has not only reformed and will play at the Super Bowl halftime show, but have also released their first new track in eight years. Hold onto your matching camouflage bodices, ladies, cos this is happening!
The other thing that is happening in the world of rich people right now is awards season. First came the People’s Choice Awards
, where a bunch of gals you’ve never heard of (Mayra Veronica, Jillian Rose Reed and Taylor Spreitler, where you at gurls? Wait, where?) dressed like Brynne Edelsten and pouted. Jennifer Aniston wore a PLEATED LEATHER PARTY DRESS and continued to be the best. Nothing else happened there.
At the Critic’s Choice Awards: Marion Cotillard wore a dress by Zuhair Murad Couture
that made her look like she’d fallen into a rose bush made of sequins (read: it was perfect), and Leslie Mann – star of This is 40 – looked like a 4 year old in a dress by Honor, a label known for making women of all ages look like porcelain dolls.
Finally, earlier this week saw the best in the biz show up en masse for the Golden Globes. It was maje, you guys. Lena Dunham
won bigtime awards but couldn’t walk/stand comfortably in a dress by her BFF Zac Posen (who also designed the dress Glenn Close got super toasted in). Also J-Lo has lace stuck to her incredibody and it’s a crime that she is not in more movies. YEAH, I SAID IT.
Over to fashion world shake-ups: Kate Lanphear – former style editor at Elle magazine and fodder for blogs full of pictures of girls in slouchy leather boots – has moved onto T (The New York Times Style Magazine) as their style director. Good for you, gurl.
Alexander Wang was finally announced to take the helm at Balenciaga
after Nicolas Ghesquière was kicked to the curb late last year. I guess we’ll buy $700 grey tees with Balenciaga labels on them now? I don’t know, you guys, Wang is a snooze. Anyhow, Carine Roitfeld was just named as the new Balenciaga stylist, meaning Marie-Amélie Sauvé
is out. Soz babe.
And a few snippets to keep you satiated ‘til next week: Christian Louboutin
dropped that ridic lawsuit against Yves Saint Laurent about whether or not YSL is allowed to produce red-soled shoes. Claiming “red” as a thing that is yours is like claiming hoop earrings as your thing. Christian Louboutin is the Regina George of shoe colours, y’all.
Patricia Field thinks Madonna
is cashing in on her designs, after she spotted caps with the word “VOGUE” stamped across it amongst Mads’ merch items. Firstly Patty, if Anna Wintour doesn’t have a problem with you peddling those caps yourself, then you have to extend that good will to Madge. Secondly, I’ve been to your store. It’s full of tacky $5 lycra dresses that you attach your name to a schlock for $150. Cool it, sister.
Finally, I apologise in advance for the explosion your ovaries are about to endure. André Leon Talley sat down to talk gowns, puppies and scooters with 9-year-old Academy Award nominee Quvenzhané Wallis, who danced to Rihanna and sang to Frank Ocean and a song called “Fashion is my Kryptonite.” On an unrelated note: I’m now in the market for sperm donors.